


The Components of Sunshine

by GlitterCake20



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Character Growth, Conflicted Theo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Evil Theo, Falling In Love, Fight Training, M/M, Missing Scenes, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Redemption, Sexual Tension, Speech Difficulty, season 5 canon divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 20:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17392781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterCake20/pseuds/GlitterCake20
Summary: The story about Theo's struggle with the darkness within, the battle between the blood hungry coyote and the sympathetic wolf. His want for love and light weighed against his need for power. This is Theo's quest for sunshine in a world that has always been dark for him.or:"we wanna see how they fell in love!!" and I ended up writing it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Following canon in terms of main events but with slight divergence relationship wise.  
> Will carry through to end of 6B.

 

Theo wants to know what light looks like, just once, he wants to see what it looks like dancing on his skin in brightly coloured prisms, and how his pale flesh will respond to it when it’s not submerged in dark sewers and blood.

 

That has him wondering what sunshine is made of and how it seems to be so magical. How does it light up the entire world, making people happy and warm? Because that’s what he wants to be like one day....

 

Distantly, he hears two voices coming his way. Must be the two who planted themselves outside his window a little while before, thinking he hadn’t noticed.

 

_“Try and get his scent. Get anything?”_

_“Soap. It’s nice. It smells good.”_

_“Not his soap, his emotional state. Chemosignals, remember?”_

_“Oh, yeah. Okay. I... He’s sad.”_

_“He’s sad?”_

_“Well, not just sad... It’s more like grief.”_

_“Grief? Oh, my God!”_

He tosses another lilly into the water. For her. It’s only part acting- the guilt, the grief that they detected, that’s real. he just knows how to use it.

 

Once he sees them approach, he launches himself onto a low tree branch, watches them and puts his mask back on. It’s not a mask made of steel and iron like the Dread Doctors’ but it’s deadly all the same, one that keeps his face neutral on the front of chaos that he finds comes in handy when you’re trying to overrun a pack. He makes a note, however, to establish exactly what sunshine is made of. He needs to know this one thing, and he’ll keep it his secret, safe and harbored in his chest.

 

Stiles approaches with a boy not much younger than himself. Sixteen to his seventeen maybe.

 

The kid growls at him, low and like he’ll rip him apart and revel in it, the sound vibrates down into his core like nothing else ever has. Then, when Theo inhales he smells it. Attraction. It can’t be him, he conceals well if that’s all he’s good at, and Stiles just reeks of anxiety and faux bravery.

 

Theo chances a look at the boy again, and there in the wild blue of his eyes—the split second when he flicks his gaze down Theo’s body—he sees a twinge of desire swirl. Barely. But what counts is that it’s there. The kid’s not budging with the death stares though, not breaking eye contact either.

 

Theo plasters the lies on thick, like honey, but he can’t deny that this boy has him intrigued… and the honey seems to work because he looks embarrassed, sorry for Theo even, that they’ve caught him commemorating his dead sister instead of committing evil like they’d hoped. But his eyes still rage… and it’s _beautiful._

 

Theo wonders for a brief moment when the last time was that he thought something to be beautiful.

 

Stiles doesn’t buy any of it though, and he storms off. The other boy walks slowly, like he doesn’t really want to leave, keeps looking back.

 

“Hey…. What’s your name?” he calls after him, “I’m Theo.”

 

“Yeah, I know that.” he looks around, eyes dragging up Theo’s body again and Theo feels an intense urge just to unzip his hoodie and really give him a show since he’s not wearing much underneath.

 

He walks away, but says, “Liam.” despite Stiles giving him a disgusted look and asking what’s wrong with him. “I’m Liam.”

 

“You’re cute!” he says, just loud enough for a wolf to hear, and Liam huffs off after Stiles. Theo doesn’t miss the clumsy skip of his heart before he barrels into another hole.

 

He notes, with a fond smile: _Sunshine is made of thunder, like the storm in Liam’s eyes._

* * *

“Scott, I really… I can train on my own, or you can help me. We don’t need him” Liam’s begging, he knows he sounds real desperate but there are a million things he’d rather do than train with this Theo guy. He’s bad… probably. Maybe. Liam’s not sure.

 

“Look, Liam, Stiles and I need to go see Deaton, we need to figure out this chimera situation. You need to…”

 

“Go deep into the woods with a psychopath?” Stiles unfolds from the corner, “Scott I trust you but this guy…”

 

“You don’t know that he’s a psychopath Stiles, you can’t make that call.”

 

Stiles rolls his eyes and Liam can choke on the tension between them. He’s kind of hoping they tell him to stay put, to not go anywhere near Theo because he’s almost one hundred percent sure he’ll never be able to walk away if he does get close.

 

Stiles gives Scott an exhausted yet stubborn look, “So you’re sending the puppy out by himself?”

 

Stiles’ head jerks to Liam and flinches away from the growl, “I’m not a fucking puppy!! Don’t call me that!”

 

“Liam!” Scott reprimands, but he’s biting back a laugh. Stiles looks highly offended as always, dramatically so, “The sheer cheek…”

 

A deep, long sigh comes from Scott, like he’s just as exhausted, “Look he’s good on his feet, he knows how to fight. He can teach you a few things…”

 

“Yeah… like how to fake everything and confuse people.” says Stiles.

 

Liam can relate. He feels pretty confused himself.

 

“Stiles.” Scott arches up a brow, and Stiles seems to know that it’s time to shut up now, so he does. “Liam can take care of himself. And besides, if he gets close to Theo, he can scope it out, see if the guys is who he says he is.”

 

Liam nods, he can totally do that. He’ll ignore the smooth creamy skin and the green eyes - he’s not even sure why he noticed it - and the fucking arms… who has arms like that seriously… not a teenager, not-

 

“Liam??”

 

“Yeah, yeah scope. Scoping. I’m fine, I’ll do that.” He rubs his neck and makes a beeline for the door, feels the other two’s eyes on him, staring, questioning, “Bye!” he squawks and then he’s out.

* * *

 

Liam walked here, Theo notes, he sits on that low-hanging branch again and watches the young beta approach. There’s not much he can do to deny the fact that Liam is good looking. He’s got one of those faces that makes it hard to look way, makes everything hard to be honest…

 

He drops to the ground just meters away from Liam and he startles, wafts of annoyance trickle up Theo’s nose.

 

Theo’s smirk plays in the moonlight, settling devilishly, “You’re jumpy?”

 

“And you’re a weirdo who likes hanging out in trees?”

 

“Fair. Let’s get started.” Theo shrugs his hoodie off and tosses it aside. Liam’s eyes are fixed on him, stuck on the bulges of his arms.

 

He stutters, “Uh, I… what? Right now??”

 

“Yeah come on.” Theo claps his hands together to draw Liam’s attention back to his face. He gets into a fighting stance, hands up, “Your enemies don’t give you time to put your makeup on pup.” He chances a swing that Liam dodges by centimetres.

 

“I hate that fucking word!”

 

Theo smirks, “Makeup?”

 

“Pup! You _asshole_!”

 

“Show me how much, _pup_!”

 

Liam growls, takes his own hoodie off, leaving him in only a thin white t-shirt. Theo eyes him, hoping that’s next, but the beta keeps it on. Liam spins the hoodie, twisting the material into a swirl and he whips it at Theo, hitting his thigh with a sharp smack.

 

Theo gasps, but doesn’t drop his hands, “Oh, you play dirty pup.” he taunts instead of the dirty moan he wants to let out in response when Liam does it again, he chuckles, and he’s met with another growl.

 

“Yeah well, your enemies aren’t picky with weapons.”

 

They circle each other. Liam spins the hoodie again, having taken a step closer but when he raises it Theo grabs hold and gives a hard tug, effectively pulling Liam into his chest while bending his arms back and securing them with the hoodie.

 

Liam’s bright blue eyes go black, nostrils flaring, “What the fuck??”

 

Theo hears the nervous tick of Liam’s heart, despite the anger brewing behind his lashes, and eases up. He’s not here to scare the kid.

 

“First lesson, Achieve a Decision.” He’s really fucking close to Liam, can smell the bubble-gum he chewed on the way here. He is so, so tempted to dip in between those plump, red lips and chase the rest of the scent, turn it into taste.

 

He doesn’t, however, because Liam pushes him off, gains a bit of ground between them. His cheeks flush pink and his heart races. Theo likes racing hearts, loves smell of adrenaline pumping.

 

“What’s your point here Theo??”

 

“My point is, Liam, that you need to establish if you want to restrain your opponent or if you wanna defend yourself. Both can save your life, but what are you better at pup?”

 

Liam launches at him, “Don’t call me pup!!”

 

Theo side-steps and pushes Liam off balance but he quickly stumbles back to his feet, seething.

 

“Decide Liam. Restrain or defend. What are you going to do?” Theo circles back and notices Liam’s eyes are glowing yellow now, in fact they simmer between the blue and gold,. He’s entirely sure he’s never seen anything more striking in his life. 

 

“Ooh, you’re pissed! Good! Use it.”

 

“You’re a dick.”

 

“No pup, I just know how to fight.” He laughs when Liam growls at the word again but uses the short distraction and goes for Liam, “Decide!!!” he yells while running.

 

It’s so fast, but Liam shifts, grabs Theo’s arm and crashes him into a tree. Theo yelps with surprise when Liam twists his arm back and uses his other arm to hold him steady by the back of his neck. His breath and body is warm, his smaller frame pressing against Theo just right… but he’s fucking strong and Theo can’t move.

 

“Restraint.” Liam breathes out, too close, too soft. His hands ease up around Theo’s wrists but he doesn’t move. Liam’s breaths rolls out in faint growls, they’re still pressed together and Theo thinks Liam’s noticed exactly _where_ because that scent hits the air again. 

 

“Liam…”

 

His back is suddenly cold as Liam steps back. He wants him back there, he wants his body close and his hands clenched around his wrists and his breath in his neck…

 

“Uhm. That was good.” His voice is much softer now, and he rubs absentmindedly at his wrists where Liam gripped him.

 

“Oh, did I…” Liam comes closer suddenly and then he’s the embodiment of concern, “Did I hurt you?” he takes Theo’s wrists, thumb stroking over the place where his fingers were just moments ago. 

 

For a moment Theo’s wants to relent all his dark plans - he’s never been so close to perfection before, never been so close to the sun, and he thinks if he stays there he’ll melt like Icarus’ wings but he’ll love it. He stays quiet though, until Liam looks up, and then he smiles. Not with the mask. He really smiles.

 

He thinks about just letting the moment be, just kissing him right there. But, when Liam’s lips part Theo flips their hands and hooks his legs out under him. The wolf hits the floor with a loud thud, breath knocked audibly from his lungs, and then Theo is on top of him, forearm pressed to his throat.

 

“Lesson two, use vulnerability to your advantage.”

 

Liam nods, blinking fast.

 

The silence crackles between them and their eyes lock. Theo can’t think at all. He can’t hear anything, all he can do is swallow hard and watch the blue eyes blink back a few times before settling on his lips, and Theo’s brain stops. They’re both breathing so fast, their chests heaving together.

 

This is something new, something he’s been chasing for years but it’s always just been out of his reach. 

 

Theo shifts, and Liam’s breath hitches. Theo realises his thigh is pressing between Liam’s  legs, “Oh… sorr-”

 

Liam’s pushing him off, and fast too.  

 

“I have to go! I gotta go. Right now!”

 

Theo lets him up, gets to his feet too, “You okay??”  

 

He worries for a moment that he got too close, that maybe he’s reading too much into all of this. But, reminds the voice in his head, he’s never been one to misjudge anything. If there is one thing he knows like the back of his hand, it’s how to read people. And Liam wants him, he knows that much. 

 

 _“Yep!”_ Liam shouts over his shoulder, already half way down the narrow path out of the preserve.

 

“Tomorrow?” he calls after Liam, “Same time??”

 

_“Yep!!”_

Theo smiles. _Sunshine is made of electric tempers and soft, soft fingertips, too._

 

* * *

 

Liam gets home in a haste, throws himself through his bedroom door. He’s been running a lot since he was bitten and turned. It helps to burn off this excess energy that’s constantly bubbling within his muscles. But, right now though, he’s flooded with just one need… and it’s achingly hard and constricted in his jeans.

 

Having Theo so close to him, the boy’s distinct scent taking over every sense Liam possesses, it’s all too much and Liam’s not sure why. Theo’s still there with him, clinging to his clothing, his skin, burning the pads of his fingers. The way Theo caged him in and pinned him to the ground with that ridiculous body...

 

His hand can’t move fast enough, fumbling with the slot of his belt and the zipper until he has himself in hand. He hisses and palms himself, and fuck, it feels great, it feels fucking great. Then he grips his dick properly and jerks harder, faster, his breath’s getting ragged and short.

 

Liam turns around to face the door, he kind of blushes when he sees himself in the mirror but he doesn’t stop, he can’t stop now. He pulls his t-shirt up and nips it between his teeth to hold it there, exposing himself in the mirror as he gets off. 

 

He’s wet now, leaking, and he uses it to move his hand easier - he always leaks so much, and then he’s thinking how fucking it great it would feel to have someone with a pretty mouth lick it up for him…

 

 _Theo’s got a pretty mouth_ , his brain supplies, and he chokes trying to get rid of the thought. His brain has different ideas though because it spits out images of Theo kissing him, touching him, grinding against him. “Holy shit…” Images of Theo with his eyes closed, letting Liam as deep into his mouth as he pleases, pretty lips wrapped around him...

 

He jerks even faster at that, watching his hand move, and he’s close… so close. And then as another imagined picture of Theo sitting wide legged, jerking slowly flashes through his mind, he groans as he feels his insides erupt.

 

Liam’s back tingles and his thighs go warm and he starts whimpering, coming hard in long stripes against the mirror…. with Theo’s face plastered all over the walls of his mind.

 

His harsh breathing steams up the mirror in front of him as he comes down from his high, leaning back to look at himself. _Yeah… you’re hot for the bad guy. Good job buddy._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly just smut, I'm sorry. Indicated with * if you want to skip that part.

 

It’s become a regular thing to meet Liam in the woods, in the deep spot under all the trees. Theo knows there’s no real reason they have to stray so far out, but they do anyway. Something about the way they are together makes them feel like no one else needs to see, and yet, they haven’t done or said anything that would make them act this way.

 

It’s mostly stares that stay too long, hands that touch softer than they’re supposed to in a fight, soft and quiet apologies when they push too hard.

 

Liam’s doing it again. He’s looking, then looking away. He’s trying not to be obvious about his attraction and Theo for the most part does the same, but he’s slightly better at hiding things than Liam and for a moment he feels a pang of guilt at the thought of hiding his intentions. The line is getting blurry about what he’s supposed to do and what he wants to do. He wants power… but he also wants sunshine.

 

A static buzz crackle through the woods, and it seems only Theo hears it. He looks back at Liam and he’s got his fighting stance ready and his eyes are set on Theo like a leopard’s on its prey. Then from the corner of his eye he sees her, the third doctor—The Geneticist, and Theo shudders. Scoffs internally about how that still happens after all these years.

 

_“Uncertainty equals weakness Theo.”_

 

He grits his teeth and shuts his eyes, breathes in deep for a second. She’s right. I’m here with a goal, for a pack, my own pack. I need this. I need to be focussed here. He quickly reiterates his plan in his head: The Werecoyote. The Dark Kitsune. The Beta with anger issues, Void Stiles... the beta with anger issues and blue blue eyes… smart and kind… maybe too smart and too kind to hurt Scott.

 

“You okay?”

 

When he opens his eyes Liam’s dropped his hands, staring at him with a precious frown that Theo just wants to kiss away. It’s fine, he tells himself, it’s all under control. He’s got this. Liam takes Scott’s power. He takes Liam’s and then he’s out of here.

 

“Yeah. Come on pup… you can do better than that.”  Theo circles him again, “Not so tough without your swirled up hoodie, huh?”

 

“Fuck you,”

 

“Yes fucking please.”

 

Theo laughs and swings at him when Liam’s face falters, trying to process what Theo said. He hits him square in the jaw and his eyes flare yellow, he growls again. Theo kind of wants to do it again just to hear that sound, like music to his ears. He shrugs, “Sorry puppy…”

 

Theo can almost see the rage take over. He finally gets to see it live. And he can’t fucking wait. “Oh, what’s it puppy? You don’t like me calling you that?”

 

“Stop!!!!” Liam dives right into Theo’s side and starts punching, Theo gets a good few shots in and it becomes a tangle and roll on the moss covered floor of the preserve. Whoever lands on top also lands a hit and soon everything’s bloody and ripped.

 

Liam finally pushes off, panting, when his body screams to stop, and falls beside Theo. His chest is heaving and he can’t breathe through his nose because it’s filled with blood and he’s groaning clutching his chest, “You’re… an asshole.” He coughs and rolls onto his side to spit.

 

Theo doesn’t answer. He’s in some real fucking pain, his hybrid body doesn’t heal as quickly as Liam’s but he can’t let him know that just yet.

 

He swallows down copper, grimaces.

 

Sunshine’s made of blood too.

 

Theo’s straining to regain his breath, waiting for his ribs to fuse back when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Hey… Are you okay?”

 

Theo nods but Liam tugs his shoulder so he’ll turn toward him, and when he does he startles slightly, “That’s… you’re not okay are you?” he says as soft as a spring breeze.

 

Liam’s eyes dance across his face, specifically eyeing the slow-fading black eye and he frowns, “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’ll be fine.” Theo sits up, Liam does too. “How you feeling?” Theo asks, he wipes his bleeding nose with the back of his hand.

 

“Feel kind of good. Relieved. Feels nice to let it out.” He drags his hoodie closer and brings it up to Theo but holds onto it when he wants to take it, “Let me…”

 

“Okay,” he says apprehensively, and he thinks he might faint with Liam touching him but Theo’s hands drop back down, and Liam pats the material across the smear of blood on Theo’s cheek carefully, even if the scar’s no longer there.

 

Liam wraps a clean piece of the hoodie around his fingers and clears up most of the blood until it’s only a taint, “Better?” The black eye is gone too.

 

“Better.” Theo breathes, stopping when Liam moves closer. Much closer. And his thumb drags along Theo’s lips where he cleaned. When Theo swallows Liam’s eyes fall to his throat, he strokes over the Adam’s apple, settling his hand in the side of Theo’s neck.

 

Something hovers between them, something so thin and fragile that one move will shatter it and change everything. The difference lies in how it shatters- beautifully with explosions of colours into the air, or into bleeding shards that just drop to the ground.

 

This is not the plan. Not at all. This is bad. But holy shit he’s gorgeous…

 

“Liam…”

 

“I want to…” and he looks at Theo’s lips.

 

Theo answers in a breath, “Yeah…”

 

Liam pushes closer until their noses touch and their eyes close and they can feel breath on their lips, but they don’t move. Then Liam’s tongue teases at Theo’s upper lip, warm and wet and it knocks Theo’s breath away. It’s his first, he’ll never say it, but it is.

 

The soft licks turn into a kiss and Theo melts into Liam’s mouth tasting sweetness, bubble gum, a bit of copper too and it’s intoxicating. His hands slide down to Liam’s waist - noting every curve under his palms - and he tugs Liam by the material of his shirt.  Liam moves fast until he’s sitting across Theo’s lap. Lips attaching firmly.

 

The way Liam kisses is sloppy and erotic, almost lazy, yet dominant. He doesn’t move his head too much, makes Theo chase it and smiles when he does. It’s driving Theo wild, and it’s not long before he realises he’s grown hard, so has Liam. But, he also realises that Liam’s probably not done much of anything—even if he kisses like a pro—and it shouldn’t go any further. So he pulls back.

 

“You don’t want to?” Liam frowns.

 

“No… I really do, that’s the problem Liam. I didn’t mean to lead you on, I… I flirt a lot.” Liam’s precious face is confused but his eyes are kind and soft and worried. Theo continues, “I don’t want it to be like that with you.” And he realises something has shifted in his cold heart. It’s terrible.

 

“Flirty?”

 

“Cheap.”

 

“Cheap? Why would…” Theo kisses him again. Liam doesn’t have to understand right now, he doesn’t need to know how Theo uses flirting to get what he wants, to manipulate. Liam is something else. Something Theo truly wants, he’s pure. The closest thing to sunshine Theo’s ever known.

 

Liam smiles when they pull apart, and laughs a little, “You’re a really good kisser,”

 

It’s the first time Theo’s ever seen him smile properly, like he means it, “You know, you’re not a puppy.”

 

“Yeah? What am I?”

 

“You’re sunshine baby.”  

 

They smile at each other before kissing again, messy and slow and deep.

 

_Sunshine is made of lips softer than the clouds._

* * *

Liam’s not sure what the hell he’s doing, in general anyway, but right now hot burst of water darts down his back and he’s jerking furiously, trying to get rid of the aching need in his groin since kissing Theo.

 

Half his pack doesn’t trust Theo, but Scott’s adamant that he can help, he’s sure Stiles is suspicious for no reason at all. Liam doesn’t know anything except that Theo is magic, all of him. The soft way he touches, the languid way he kisses, his cocky grins, his perfect hair... And the way he wants Liam, how soft he is with him when he’s not being arrogant to the world.

 

His knees go weak as he comes, he watches it run down the shower wall and become one with the water, Theo on his mind. He’s still rock hard though. “Fuck I need to stop thinking about this guy.”  He tries jerking again, but he’s too sensitive and his legs twitch. So, instead he towels off and gets dressed.

 

The whole shower thing is pretty senseless since he’s heading to another training session in the woods with Theo. They’ll be rolling around in the dirt and he’ll have to scrub again when he gets back, but on the off chance of Theo kissing him again he wants to smell nice, wants to look good. He even lathers his neck in cologne, checks his hair in the mirror on the way out.  

 

He turns back suddenly. This is ridiculous, totally fucking nuts, but he delves into his bedside table and shoves a small tube into his pocket.

 

* * *

 

Liam’s scent is different when he shows up to their spot this time. Stronger, urgent, spiced with cologne. Makes his wolf growl. Theo’s standing behind a tree and his heartbeat is concealed. For all intents and purposes he’s not even there.

 

“Theo?” Liam shrugs his pack off and drops it to the ground.

 

“When you’re entering blind, not sure where your opponent is, how do you determine their position?” Theo speaks almost in a whisper.

 

Liam startles for a moment, then, “Place their heartbeat.”

 

“And if he doesn’t have one?”

 

“What kind of monster doesn’t have a heart?”

 

Well…

 

“Cockiness will get you killed Liam. How would you find me if I didn’t have a heartbeat?” Theo steps out from behind the tree, mostly because he can’t stand not seeing Liam anymore. There’s plenty of time to cover this technique… and holy shit it’s worth it. He’s impossibly beautiful.

 

“Your eyes just get bluer by the day or what?” he’s standing still and frozen, trembling slightly. This is not how he was meant to get a grip on himself, it’s not how he’s going to overthrow a pack and steal an alpha’s power. Yet…

 

Liam sways closer to him, eyes falling to his lips and Theo falters epically. He grabs him and kisses him hard, amazed that it once again feels like an explosion, still makes his back tingle with excitement. They fall into a hungry kiss, smiling like fools when they pull away.

 

“We are here to train Sunshine. What’re you gonna tell Scott and Stiles when they want to test your fighting skills, hm?”

 

Liam’s hands are stroking down his jaw, long fingers curling around the back of his neck as he brings his lips closer to Theo’s again, connecting like a lock and key, “Let them eat cake…” he whispers, floating, high on kisses.

 

Theo snorts at that, doesn’t let Liam go though, “Do you even know what that means?” he pulls the little wolf closer, his hands slipping up under his shirt and he’s pleased to hear Liam whimper faintly against his lips when he kneads at the skin on his hips.

 

“Means I really want cake now… like, really.”

 

Theo shakes his head, pulls Liam into his chest, “You’re an absolute dork.” His smile feels foreign on his lips. It feels strange to laugh, to smile like this, not having to wear the mask. Feels nice to make someone else laugh. He holds Liam close, smells his hair and smooths his hand through it before kissing his forehead.

 

All while the coyote in him smothers whatever warning sounds the wolf is trying to make. Because this? This is progress, it’s winning, it’s advancing and getting into the pack. But all the wolf sees is an innocent boy about to be flayed at the edges.

 

“Let’s fight Sunshine.”

 

“Do we have to? I really don’t feel like punching you right now… not when you look so...” Liam makes a wanting sound that sits right in the pit of Theo’s stomach.

 

“Just a bit of training okay? No punching.” because shit, he wouldn’t want to fracture this perfect jaw anyway, his thumb drags thoughtfully along it and stops at Liam’s lips, he traces their outline, “You’re pretty beautiful yourself.”

 

The little beta’s heart flips and honestly so does Theo’s. It flips beyond what is reasonable and he’s beginning to realise he’s fucked just by the way Liam tastes on his lips.

 

They train yes, Theo teaches him an effective leg sweep, how to angle his left hook - since he’s left handed - to gain a total knockout. They go over it again and again and Theo can’t deny that they’re fucking great at it, they move like a machine, so teaching Liam defensive techniques doesn’t quite help when they fight like they’re on the same team. They opt for synchronized training instead, complimenting each other’s moves, and Theo’s not sure why but he feels like this will save them one day.

 

While they try their best to stay focussed on the training, every touch feels like an erupting volcano and every glance is a plea, and soon it’s impossible to ignore. So, when Liam rounds him again, extending his arm to Theo for momentum, expecting to be lifted for an air kick - Theo pulls him in, wraps his body up and takes him down to the ground. He’s by no means gentle and they hit hard.

 

“What the…”

 

Theo kisses him before he can finish, pins him down by his elbows and Liam moans under him arching his body up into Theo’s, and he shifts his legs until they push Liam’s apart, kissing hard and dirty then soft, feeling each move...

 

“What’s your plan here little sunshine… what are you trying to do to me, huh?”

 

“I want you...” Liam breathes and relents the struggle for power, letting Theo have control, and stares back at him with submissive eyes.

 

Theo’s wolf growls at him to do what his heart says and just fall, even if it breaks him. But the coyote’s screaming for blood and power, ruthless, and it’s hard to ignore. But how can he not kiss these lips? How can he resist Liam when he talks like that?

 

Liam arches up again, their hips press together, dicks pulsing for friction and Theo roars making Liam whimper and bare his neck, “Fuck! Fuck Liam!!!” and he grinds down hard enough to make up his mind. Fuck the coyote. Just this once. He will do what the wolf wants… and the wolf wants Liam.

 

“My pocket…”

 

Theo frowns but he reaches around, digs the small tube of lubricant from Liam’s back pocket.

 

“Jesus…. You sure?”

 

Liam nods, “Kiss me…” and so Theo does. He’s gentle now, not pinning Liam anymore, his hands are in the beta’s neck, feels his heart pounding through his soft skin. He wants to feel the rest of Liam’s body beat against his own, wants to see each inch of Liam’s skin respond to him. He can’t think of a single reason right now to walk away and not do this.

 

With that he starts undoing Liam’s belt, fast and clumsily, “Your first time?” he murmurs as he yanks the zipper down, parting it. He stops when Liam nods.

 

“Are you one hundred percent sure?”

 

“Are you?”

 

“That’s not… Liam, if I’m gonna fuck you I need to know you’re on board with me. That you want this, that you want me to.”

 

Liam whines, bites his pretty lip and arches up again so that Theo’s hand grazes his dick.  “Liam!” his hand flies up to Liam’s throat, “Yes or no! I’m not kidding!”

 

And then the beta smiles devilishly and his blue eyes melt into liquid black, “Yes.” He locks those dark eyes on Theo’s and says, “Fuck me.”

 

Theo’s so overcome with want in that moment but he softens, remembering this is their first time and he wants to make it as special as he can for them both, “Okay…” he says, and then they smile at each other, hearts beating wild.

 

“How do you want to do it?” he asks when pulling away briefly, finally reaching down to palm Liam over his boxers, he’s rock fucking hard.

 

Liam’s arching and writhing and pulling on Theo’s clothes but he manages to moan, “Turn me around.” Before his voice breaks into another whine when Theo’s palm slips inside and they make skin on skin contact.

 

Theo strokes him down a few times and then pulls him up, “Come on…”

 

“What? I thought we…”

 

“Yeah! Not on the fucking ground Liam… your knees.”

 

He huffs and gets up following Theo to his truck that’s parked just on the edge of a lookout point, “Sorry, bit of a mood killer, but it’s comfier.”

 

He opens the door and Liam stops in front of it, traces the outline of his cock until it’s clearly visible through his jeans, “I don’t think my mood can be killed…” and he grins so sexy that Theo dives forward, lifting him into the truck and shutting the door behind them.

 

They grind and moan and tug at stubborn pieces of clothing, discarding them in a haste until they’re both bare and an awe. Theo stops and sits up, lips parting in amazement, breathless, “You’re uh… you’re beautiful… like this. Jesus.” and he almost doesn’t touch him, but Liam preens under his gaze, dick twitching on his stomach.

*

“Turn around Liam...” he says, voice low, and he doesn’t move, watches the beta scamper around, resting on his elbows. Theo sucks in a deep breath, dares to palm at Liam’s ass, eliciting a whimper. “You ever touched yourself here sunshine?” he asks and drags his finger down the split of Liam’s ass.

 

“Yeah… didn’t come from it, but yeah, I did.”

 

“Can I?” he leans down and kisses the small of Liam’s back and the beta moans out a yes, hands curling into the seat when Theo presses against his entrance, “Relax then…” Theo taps his hips and Liam eases out. He spreads the lube in carefully, applying slight pressure

 

“Oh god…. Oh that feels good….”

 

“I’ve barely touched you…”

 

“I don’t care… more, please?”

 

Theo obliges, “Take a deep breath.” And when Liam inhales he pushes a finger in. At first his body jolts in response but then he lets out a melting sigh, releasing his breath, “Ah, holy shit…”

 

Then Theo moves his hand, sliding in and out, he leans down again despite wanting to watch his own hand go to work, to see which strokes make Liam crumble.

 

“Come here,” he says, bringing Liam up to meet his mouth, “How does that feel?” and then he thrusts in a little deeper.

 

“It’s weird… but good… but weird.” Liam’s voice strains with every thrust, and he moans out loud when Theo inserts another finger, banging his hand against the window, “Jesus!!”

 

Theo twists the digits slowly, feeling the muscle stretch around it, “You’re doing good. Does it hurt?”

 

“No… so good.”

 

Theo lowers them, Liam’s head drops between his shoulders, his body begins moving with Theo’s hands and he’s making faint wanting sounds and Theo realises his own dick is begging for attention, aching between his legs, “Liam… he whispers into the beta’s neck, “Can you touch me? Please? I’m… It’s…”

 

The next moment Liam’s hand is on his cock, tugging eagerly. Theo whimpers out a breath, “Thank you...” while still working Liam’s hole open, smooth gentle strokes, he twists his hand up and Liam grunts, curses unrecognizably, and Theo does it again and again.

 

“What is…. Oh my god…. Wha…”

 

“Your prostate… Tell me if this hurts,” he scissors his fingers open, sliding in one more and by the way Liam grins and moans and pushes back Theo knows it doesn’t so he keeps pumping a little faster while kissing Liam’s neck.

 

“Theo… if you still wanna fuck me you gotta do it now… I’m gonna blow.”

 

So, Theo stops, “We’re gonna make this last little sunshine. You’ll never forget this.” Then he whispers, “I promise.”

 

Theo withdraws his fingers, coats his dick and Liam’s entrance with more lube. His hands shake. Anticipation and excitement has his heart pumping blood way too fast.

 

“Stop teasing Theo… please. Do it.” His knuckles are white around the material of the seat and he’s breathing heavy, a bright pink blush spreads all the way down his back—Theo stops for a moment to appreciate just how muscled and perfect Liam is.

 

Theo reaches over to wrap an arm around Liam’s shoulders, lays his chest flush to Liam’s back and he presses the tip forward, hissing as it slides into wetness, into heat. “Breathe…” he says and goes a little more, listening to Liam do as he said. So easy, so smooth, breaths coming fast. “You’re doing great.” He murmurs. Liam whimpers and Theo shivers and he pushes in more… and more until he bottoms out and then he’s drowning but yet he’s breathing just fine. “Holy shit… holy fucking shit…” He digs his fingers into Liam’s hip, squeezing trying to focus himself on one thing, not twenty things at once like the way Liam smells right now, how tight he is, how he’s moaning and moving in his hold, how his muscles ripple. He tries with all of him not to focus on that because he wants this to last. Maybe forever.

 

“Move… “

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

“No… not anymore.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me it hurt??”

 

“Because it’s kind of a given at first! You wanna fight or do you wanna fuck me?”

 

“Definitely the second one.” Theo drags back and raises himself, he begins sliding in and out slowly a few times watching Liam’s response to it and he seems to be dissolving in Theo’s hands, “Feel good?” he rasps, breathless simply form adrenaline.

 

“So fucking good… you, uh, you can go faster.”

 

Theo considers for a moment, looking at how incredibly sexy Liam looks like this. He thinks about how he wants to see his body bounce and strain when he fucks him hard and rough and make him scream, but he knows if he goes hard now, it’ll be over all too soon. He wants to take his time, wants to hear every whimper, have him begging, roaring, while he picks his seams apart slowly.

 

“Nah, this is good… if you’re okay with it?”

 

“Hmm… so okay…”

 

“We can stop at any time okay?”

 

Liam nods and then Theo moves, pumping in and out agonizingly slow, holding Liam’s ass apart, watching his dick sink in. His hands slide up Liam’s back, slick with sweat, and the more he moves the better it feels, the more Liam whines. He’s honestly never felt something like this in his life, didn’t know something can feel so good and fragile all at once. He’s swallowing down the lump of deceit in his throat and listens to Liam’s heartbeat instead, matching his thrust to it.

 

That throws them into a beautiful back and forth rocking and eventually Liam sits up, and Theo’s still pumping, but now they’re upright and pressed flush. Liam reaches back grabs Theo’s ass while he’s fucking him and Theo’s hands come up to his chest, wandering around all over. His lips find a place in Liam’s neck and they stay there, he’s sure it’s blue or purple under his tongue but he doesn’t stop because Liam’s moaning his name so perfectly when he does that.

 

Liam puts one foot on the ground and leans forward with his hands on the window, and this angle is probably heaven itself, Theo’s sure, because he sinks in so deep he sees stars. Liam does too apparently, his fingers curl pointlessly against the window, ruining the smooth blanket of steam with smears of hungry hands.

 

“You close?” Theo asks when he smells Liam leaking again.

 

“Yeah… Just feels too good… I’m sorry…”

 

“Don’t apologize…” Theo rests against Liam again, wrapping his arms around him, while still rolling into him slowly. He kisses the top of Liam’s shoulder, “You’re perfect Liam. You’re beautiful this way… You always are… but now…”

 

Liam answers with a deep moan, entwining his fingers into Theo’s around his middle while Theo’s other hand reaches down and wraps around his cock and begins stroking him out.

 

“Fuck! Theo… oh god….”

 

He feels the beta twitch and pulse in his hand and then it’s not long before he cries out Theo’s name again and tries to pull him as close as humanly possible. He comes in Theo’s hand, all over it, and the door.

 

Theo gasps at the bits of it he can see, it’s fucking glorious, he’s never done that to another person, never felt someone fall apart in his hands before and it almost, almost makes him cry but Liam whimpers his name so softly, begging, twitching against him and he decides to join Liam on the wave of pleasure he’s riding.

 

With a few more slow drags, trembling thighs and brain already overcome with everything that Liam is, Theo lets go and comes.

 

“Jesus Liam… I’m…”

 

_Sunshine is… all of this. Holy shit._

 

His hips stutter into Liam and his lips attach to that spot in Liam’s neck again while he fills him up.

  

Once the pulsing, aching burn of pleasure tapers down and his body feels light and numb all at once, he pulls out gently. Uses a spare towel to clean them up with as gentle as he can, avoiding any overstimulating touches.  Liam flips on his back and Theo’s a bit unsure about what to do, he hovers between Liam’s open legs, cock now flaccid.

*

“Come here…” Liam kisses him when he leans down, pulls him into a tight hug.

 

“Was that…”

 

“Amazing.” And then he kisses Theo, and he smiles lazily.

 

Liam’s eyes are closed, lips tilted in a stupid smirk, the epitome of ecstasy. They wrap up in an impossibly close tangle, smelling so distinctly like each other that it may as well be one person. Liam’s head rests on Theo’s chest and both Theo’s arms curl around him, and even though the backseat is small, they fit there so exactly that it’s comfortable and warm, so they stay.

 

Liam’s dropped off to sleep - Theo can tell by his breathing - and he plants a kiss between the sweaty mop of golden blonde hair that tickle his nose. It smells better than it should, he takes Liam’s limp hand in his, watching Liam’s eyelids roll as he dreams.

 

Theo smiles half a smile.

 

_Sunshine is made of desperate whimpers of his name and hands that dig into his skin like it’s their only salvation._

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Some nights Theo parks the truck on the edge of the river and they watch the stars, flat on their backs in the damp grass that grows there. Other nights Liam gets a twinkling glint in his eyes and strips down, diving headfirst into the moonlit waters. Then when it’s only stars in his eyes and his smile, written all over his face, he calls for Theo to join him. And who is he to say no?

 

It’s then that Liam will wrap himself, his sinew frame, around Theo’s waist and cradle his face in strong capable hands. He’ll look at him too long, too hungry and laugh a little, and say, “I’m happy I found you.”

 

Theo will tell him, “No one can know.” quietly, like the secret it is.

 

And before they kiss, Liam will reply: “Don’t want them to.”

 

They spend those nights by the river, and they kiss and tangle and come until their bodies shiver. Liam in his arms, never the wiser. Theo eaten up inside, bleeding, unable to stop himself.

 

Like any addiction, he is convinced he can stop whenever he wants to. That this has no power over him, none at all. But then some days are hot and humid and they tear at each other’s clothes rabidly and in a brief moment Liam stops, that’s when all resolve crumbles. While breathing fast, eyes wild, Liam grins and says something like “Jesus, you’re beautiful.” while his gaze falls hot down Theo’s makeshift body, half human half monster.

 

But Liam only sees the human, the one he’s in love with.

 

“Shut up and come here.” he’ll tell him, pulling him close enough, rough enough, so that he doesn’t accidentally see the gleaming power hungry coyote inside.  

 

Every night he leaves to go to a home in the sewers, and every night he leaves a part of himself with a sleeping, perfect and naked Liam after kissing his sharp jaw. The part of him that stays behind is happy and it will remain that way. Forever in that memory.

 

What is about to come will never take that away from him.

 

* * *

 

Theo thought that when he finally found sunshine and got to hold it in his hands, when he saw how it shines and lights up the dark around it, then he’d be able to just run away with it, let it take over and make it all better. It didn’t.

 

 

Theo may be falling in love but the world hasn’t stopped, he’s still alone, he still needs a pack. He still wants power, he wants to be an alpha. That hasn’t changed. The incredible blue eyes don’t even change that, and he hates it, he wants it to be enough but the bigger part of him wants power more, wants to be strong and indestructible.

 

 

His heart had already begun beating apologies the moment he kissed Liam, because he knew deep down when their lips melted together like lava that very first time, that he was never going to give anything up for Liam. And it’s not from lack of trying, his insides are torn up by the wolf and coyote fighting for control. The wolf has always been kinder, gentler, but it’s suppressed by the cold cunning coyote, who is finally winning.

 

 

Theo’s standing in front of a grimy mirror, bracing himself on the edges of the basin. He absentmindedly chips at the rust with this nail, stares back at his reflection. He hates the way his face twists and how the tears start to pool in his eyes.

 

 

These aren’t fake tears he uses to manipulate, these are real and they hurt in places he didn’t think he’d be able to feel anything anymore, and it’s his fault that he does - he was the one who wanted to see the light just this once. But with the light came love, love and blue eyes and a smile like the rays of the sun breaking through days of rain. And it’s much more than he’d been ready for. Liam is much more than he’d been ready for.

 

 

The sob that rips from his chest is almost unrecognizable, sends him straight to his knees on a dirty floor in a sewer that he calls home. This is not what he wants, it’s not how it was supposed to be, it was supposed to be easy and bloody and ruthless. He has a plan, a solid one, and it’s kind of fool proof too but now… now he doesn’t want even a speck of blood on Liam’s porcelain skin and he certainly doesn’t want his claws anywhere near Liam’s heart. There’s a brief flash of light when he pictures the beta, inexplicably beautiful and innocent and in love with a monster.

 

 

And then the dark comes, tells him that Liam won’t stay anyway, that Theo will never be enough for a boy like that. It tells him that it doesn’t matter if he betrays Liam and the people Liam loves. This was never meant to last, sunshine can never shine in a place like his heart. He knows how good the power will feel, and he’ll finally be the one in control of who does what to him - no longer at the hands of careless adults who were meant to protect him but hurt him instead. He knows he doesn’t really need anyone else.

 

He also knows that’s a lie. The biggest lie of all, perhaps.

 

He can’t fight the need for power in him anymore so he lets it win. Lets it take over and hand him the mask.

 

 

“I’m so sorry…” he whispers, not that anyone can hear, not that the ears that need to hear it will.

 

 

And he notes, with a sullen and heavy heart, now more alone than he’s felt in a very long time:

 

_Sunshine is not made of this. Not at all._

 

 

Things fall apart gradually after that. It begins with trust being set up on a steep slope, held in place by promises and comforting words “I won’t tell anyone” - “Let me talk to them” - “Let me help.” And then he stands back and watches it slip, watches Scott McCall’s pack disintegrate as everything barrels down into an avalanche all in his favour.

 

Scott McCall who used to be his friend, who has only been kind to him, who has trusted him since the start. Scott McCall whose power he will take from his only biological beta once he’s killed Scott so he can save his dying friend.

 

 

Theo doesn’t know if taking the power from Liam will kill him, he tries not to think about it, because the answer might jeopardize this entire plan.

 

 

Instead, he thinks of how easy the lies roll off his tongue, like warm honey, melting defenses. Knowing that coming from him - when he looks the way he does, when he acts so sincere, when he cries so heartbreakingly real and makes himself faux-vulnerable - it’s not hard for them to believe. They trust him.

 

 

So, he uses that because it’s easy. Theo convinces everyone with copious amounts of charm and chivalry and comradery to put their faith in him. He even convinces the alpha himself and his loyal beta. It hurts more than he cares to admit.  Liam won’t know until it’s too late, until it’s all gone too far.

 

* * *

 

Liam’s a mess, frantic and frazzled and scared, “She’s dying Theo, I don’t know what to do. Hayden’s dying.” his heart races within the limited window he has to save her.

 

 

“Scott can help her Liam. Only the bite will save her now.” It won’t. He’s fully aware that Scott’s priorities are to save people, and that Hayden is far beyond that point already, “Just ask him Liam, Scott cares about you. He’ll help.” That way it will be an even heavier impact when Scott refuses, anger inducing even. More so on a super moon.

 

 

It’s for power. It’s for your survival. That’s what he tells himself to pacify the coil of guilt in his gut for lying to the only eyes he’s ever… loved? Is this love? He’s sure it’s not meant to feel like this. For survival… it’s for survival…

 

 

“Really?? You think so?” Liam lifts those blue eyes to his, blinking away tears - because his friend is dying somewhere and now he has hope- and he looks at Theo, like he trusts him and the words that come from his mouth couldn’t be anything but truth.

 

The hope catches him a little off guard but he kisses Liam, thinking it must taste like poison, and he says, “Of course. You’re his pack, his priority.”

 

* * *

 

The avalanche of lies finally comes crashing down, swallowing everything in a flood of chaos. It all happens so fast.

 

Theo comes back from convincing Malia to let him help her, he’s still pulling his clothes back on, exiting his truck, when he hears the faint buzz of Lydia’s phone in the library - which means Scott’s already there. That places Liam, Hayden and Melissa at the hospital trying to save Hayden’s life. They won’t. And Scott won’t save her either.

 

While he jogs off to the library, he thinks about how Liam’s face fell when Scott told him no, that he wouldn’t save Hayden. He knew it would be devastating, but that… it was crushing in a way he’s never felt. Everything in him just wanted to make that go away, that defeated look on Liam’s beautiful face, the smell of fury and held back tears… but all he told him was to take her to Melissa. He lied and told him he’d be right there.

 

 

Scott’s face looks much the same when Theo comes clean - that hurts differently. He sees the boy he played arcade games with. Still, the need for power is stronger, even when the conflict gnaws at his bones.

 

The wolf howls about the blood he’s allowing to spill and the coyote is the one who laps it up, begging for more. A violent push and pull between the dark that wants to consume every piece of light in him and the light that fights fiercely to stay alive. The light won’t win. There’s no sunshine here. There will never be.

 

 

When he leaves Scott there and plans to find Stiles, he’s not expecting to run into Liam, so when he does he almost loses it because he knows it’s the last time this boy will ever look at him the way he does now. Even though Liam is seething, the stench of indescribable rage clouding around him, his eyes soften when he looks at Theo. He’s looking at him like he’s shelter in a storm.

 

 

“Where’s Scott?” Liam’s fighting his fangs for control of his mouth, his body’s quacking.  

 

Theo wants to hold him, but instead plays it cool, “Library, why?”

 

 

Liam moves to rush off again but Theo grabs him, “Liam…” and he wants to tell him to stay, to calm down, and for a brief moment he wants to shove him into his truck and drive so far away with him, keep the sunshine to himself for the rest of his life. But Liam’s just a boy, they’re both just kids. Right? This won’t matter when Theo’s an alpha, the fact that he can tell each speck of colour in Liam’s eyes apart, doesn’t matter.

 

 

“What?? Theo, what is it??”

 

 

Theo pulls him to the side of the building, kicks away the line of mountain ash, Liam sees it, but it doesn’t seem to register what exactly it means. He’s so angry.

 

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

 

Theo leans down and takes Liam’s face in his hands, ignores his ragged breathing and balled fists, and kisses him right on the spot where his jaw clenches into a knot, “Nothing… I have to go Liam. I’ll see you…” and he inhales, doesn’t finish the sentence because he’ll probably never see Liam the way he wants to ever again.

 

 

Liam frowns at him, and Theo can tell he’s not focussing on him, he’s got murder coursing through his veins right now and he needs to let Liam do what he needs him to do. He needs to kill Scott.

 

So, he stands there watching, it’s all he can do, as Liam storms off to the library fully intent on killing his alpha. Just like Theo wanted, but his heart aches in his rib cage because now he knows there is absolutely no coming back from this. There’s the very, very off chance that Liam will join him, hold Theo’s hand when his own are still warm with Scott’s blood.

 

 

But that’s more of a hope than a reality at this point. He pointedly ignores the parts of him that hopes Liam doesn’t do this, that Scott lives. That is not what’s important right now. Power is important, survival is important. Boys are not.

 

 

Theo doesn’t know then that this boy - the one with the angry jaw and steel-blue eyes - _this boy_ is the most important of them all. Of anyone.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Theo hurls himself over the rusty basin just in time. His stomach begins retching, and he’s hacking up nothing but air and the look on Liam’s face when he ran out of that library. He didn’t see Theo, didn’t see him go back in and finish the job or how he knocked his best friend out cold and left with hands burning red. But surely, by now, he must know. Must have realised.

 

Theo wonders what that must have felt like. To have not only the one you had fallen in love with—he thinks Liam was in love? He acted that way? Theo doesn’t know much about these emotions other than how to manipulate them—betray you, but also be partly responsible for your friend’s death.

 

He retches again. Scott’s dead.

 

He holds his stomach at the painful lurches, and he’s tempted to move his hand up a few inches and rip Tara’s heart from his own chest. It’ll probably hurt less than what he’s feeling right now.

 

Failure tastes bitter and stupid, the taste lingers and lingers and no matter how much he spits he can’t quite shake it. It’s a horrible, sickening feeling knowing he had gone through all of this just to end up back in square one. He had lost Liam for nothing. No red eyes, no pack. Stupid.

 

There’s seven missed calls from a fuming beta on his phone. Seven calls he will have to pretend not to care about while his twisted mind already constructs plan B. But, through all the chaos around him, he’s grateful for one thing- Mason Hewitt and his impeccably shit timing.

 

Theo’s one hundred and nine percent sure that he would never have been able to take away Liam’s life, he would never have been able to hold that body that fits so perfectly into his own, in his arms and watch him die, feel his last warm breath on his cheek.

 

He’s capable of many, many things, but not that. He realises that now. The big bad wolf is bad, but he is never bad enough to dim the sun.

 

His phone vibrates again, and he pulls it out of his pocket, fingers rattling around it. Liam.

 

**_From Liam:_ **

 

_Answer the fucking phone you coward! Answer me._

_Fucking answer Theo!!!!_

 

_You lied. You used me. I hate you for this, I hate you._

 

And much later:

 

_Was it worth it?_

 

“Fuck!” He tosses the phone aside. Lydia’s whimpering from the other room when she hears his voice. This is why he needs to be in charge, in control, calling the shots. An Alpha doesn’t feel bad or hesitate or puke like a little bitch when they do what needs to be done. They make decisions and stick to it, they don’t let a pretty boy put tears in their eyes and a hold on their hearts.

 

But Theo’s not an alpha - Scott said he’s barely even human—and he feels like shit, it makes him want to puke again but… still not bad enough to make him stop, to steal that hunger for power away from him. Instead, he just gets angry, infuriated. Like a child who doesn’t get their way. The pack is dismantled and hanging by a thread, but they still won’t surrender so he’ll just get what he wants another way. It’s then that plan B snaps into place.

 

Theo storms over to Lydia, “I’ve never done this before Lydia. I know how dangerous it is, but it’s a risk we have to take.”

 

“No! Don’t! Don’t, don’t don’t!!!” She’s trying to get away, but he grabs her arm then her neck and holds her in place. His claws dig into the back of her neck, uninvited, and he can feel her twitching in his hold,

 

“What do you think Lydia?? Am I doing it right??” he’s hurting her, probably damaging her brain, but he keeps going until he sees the Nemeton. “I see it. I see it….”

 

The Nemeton and the dead chimeras. People like him. Half breeds and loners. A pack.

 

He rips the claws out and he knows it’s too harsh. He doesn’t care- the coyote doesn’t let him, it convinces him that all of this is for his eternal right to survive. The wolf knows it isn’t, but he lays still in the back of Theo’s mind. Scared and snarled into submission by the blood hungry coyote.

 

Lydia is catatonic, completely out of it while he drives them off to the preserve. He strapped her in, tried taking her pain so she’s stop whimpering, but he doesn’t know how the hell that works, thinks maybe chimeras can’t do it, that perhaps they aren’t genetically engineered to do the things wolves can. Makes sense too.

 

“It didn’t have to come to this you know. I never wanted it to. I just wanted to be in the pack… Scott wasn’t part of this plan, neither was _he_.” He’s talking about Liam like Lydia should know exactly who his heart is broken for. “He was never meant to be the one I…” the wolf cries, and it spills over into Theo’s eyes. He hates it. “He was never meant to be the one I loved. But he is, and I can’t love him, Lydia. I can’t. Because I’m this… I’m a monster and I can’t help it, and he’s… he’s good. He’s sunshine…. And darkness kills that.”

 

She doesn’t answer, she only stares, and he doesn’t really want to look at her because that hurts too. She did nothing wrong and he still hurt her, used her. Just like Liam. And in that moment, when he turns into the preserve, he passes the spot where he used to come with Liam to train, where he kissed him for the first time, made love to him for the first time.

 

The place where he was the happiest and where he thought that maybe he could change because the way Liam held him made him feel like he could. But when Liam wasn’t there, when he left, this damn coyote would just howl until Theo couldn’t hear himself think.

 

And then he gets pissed-, at himself at Liam at the Doctors, but mostly himself for the chaos he’s created and somehow has to fix. He grips the wheel tighter, lets the rage of losing envelop him until he’s fuming, “Why can’t it all just be easy!!?? Huh?? Why??”

 

His truck jerks to a stop and he hauls Lydia out of it and drops her on the ground when the massive tree stump comes into view.

 

“Watch this Lydia!” He walks over to where a girl lays dead against the Nemeton and shoves the syringe into her heart —he doesn’t even flinch—and pumps the green liquid into her. “You think you’ve lost your mind?? Well, watch this!!”

 

She gasps to life a few seconds later, and he does that with the rest of them too. Two guys and one more girl… Hayden. Liam’s friend that Scott refused to save.

 

“What’s happening?” she asks and the girl next to her wants to know who he is.

 

He turns around, and finally he can say it, and it feels good. It feels like control, like a grip.  “I’m your alpha. And all of you,” he points them down with the syringe, “All of you belong to me.”

 

Then he walks away, and his new pack follows. He’ll get the power somewhere else, somewhere more significant. And this time he won’t fail.

 

_Sunshine is… No… there’s no sunshine here…_


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks that lead up to Theo’s demise are filled with heated stares from the blue eyes that once looked at him like he was everything, some kind of savior. And it seems, even to Theo himself, that he’s completely lost his mind. He doesn’t care about much anymore. He cares about two things almost exactly to equal extents. Taking the power from The Beast of Gévaudan—be damned whatever gets in his way—and Liam Dunbar.

 

 Building up a pack is proving rather difficult and exhausting so while they’re all testing out their claws and fangs or lack thereof, he shoots off to Stiles’ house to total the damage. He swears he smells Scott there on much more than just a t-shirt, but that’s not possible because he killed Scott. He stuck his claws into his heart and watched him choke on his own blood. Scott’s dead. He killed Scott.

 

 On the way back he stops beside the road and pulls out his phone for the first time since last night. He’s an idiot, his background is still a photo of Liam. It’s not taken from an angle that anyone would be able to tell that it’s him, his face his hidden behind his hand but Theo knows he was smiling. 

 

It was a simple lazy day up in Liam‘s bedroom, tangled in each other, sharing soft sloppy kisses, nothing more. He misses that. 

 

There are no more messages from Liam, no more missed calls, but Theo has this intense need to apologize to him. And he knows a thousand sorries won’t fix what he did, so he won’t say exactly that.

 

_To Liam:_

_Don’t think saying sorry will cut it this time, huh?_

 

And then much later Liam replies, it’s cold and rigid and he can feel him seething through the phone.

 

_Liam:_

_Don’t say anything to me ever again._

 

He can be cocky and tell Liam he’s not the bad guy, that he just did what he needed to do but he can’t be like that with Liam, he can’t act like he doesn’t give a shit with him. So he doesn’t say anything more. 

 

Liam hates him now - Theo knew he would - he also knew how bad it would hurt to betray the boy he claimed to love.

 

But still, even now when it’s all laying shattered at his feet, he wants power more than anything else. He wishes he could feel different about it, wishes he could swallow his pride and wrap himself around Liam, crying, begging for forgiveness- but he’ll never do that. That’s not how Theo Raeken has been programmed, it’s not in his makeup to be vulnerable.

 

 _Or to be honest._ The coyote so brutally reminds him. _Or human_ , adds the wolf. They aren’t wrong.

 

 And that’s the worst part of being this way, of being… evil. Being split in half like this is exhausting. Wanting one thing but also wanting both things, wanting to love but also to destroy and watch things crumble. Power versus love. Sunshine versus darkness. He wonders why it’s always the darkness that wins, supposes that it’s easier to pretend there’s no heart than to give it away and have it crushed by the hands that said they’d keep it safe. Kind of like Liam’s heart, he thinks.

_To Liam:_

_You will always be like the sun to me._

 

 

He sees Liam a few times in school after that and the beta actively avoids and ignores him, doesn’t even so much as glance in his direction. But Theo knows Liam can sense his eyes on him because he blushes, Theo sees his cheeks redden. Whether that be from anger or something else, whatever else is left.

 

He’s standing with Hayden at the lockers and Liam’s glaring at him from across the hall, Mason tells him not to get involved but Theo knows Liam and his insatiable temper. He won’t stay silent for long. When Theo leads Hayden into English class, he’s not surprised when a hand yanks him back by his elbow.

 

The hallway is empty and Liam shoves him against lockers, “What the hell are you trying to do?? What do you want with Hayden?”

 

 Theo smirks as a default but his heart aches because all he wants to do is apologize and slip his arms around Liam’s waist.  Maybe kiss him too. He misses kissing him.

 

“She’s my pack…” he says and he can’t keep from looking at Liam like he always did, “Liam…”

 

“No.“ Liam shoves a finger in front of his face, “Don’t you _dare_. Don’t even…”

 

“You just need to know Liam…”

 

“No! Shut up! You don’t get to say that! You don’t get to say anything Theo!!” and then he storms off smoldering in the ashes of rage, not quite igniting, not quite dying either.

 

“It was real Liam…” he says softly, hoping Liam will still hear, “What I felt… feel, what I feel for you is real.”

 

But Liam doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t care. That’s the problem with all of this. With loving someone. One always cares too much and one doesn’t care enough, and the power is always in the hands of the one who cares the least because the other one will do anything for them, for love. Until the scales tip one day and the power tips with it. Vicious. Unending. 

 

 

It’s three weeks after that, that the McCall Pack rises to power again and puts Theo down.

 

While Tara hauls Theo underground - into what he assumes is hell - and while he’s screaming for Scott’s mercy, he sees Liam turn away and in that moment he wants to die. He wants to be gone and reduced to nothing but bone because the only one he loves has forsaken him. Inside he laughs at himself because why wouldn’t Liam stay with a monster? 

 

But then, in one brilliant and fleeting second Liam wipes his eyes and turns away- he wipes his eyes because he’s crying, and that alone is enough to make Theo want to stay alive. 

 

He’ll fight because if those tears mean that there is even the slightest possibility of Liam still caring for him… then that’s what he’ll fight to stay alive for. That is also the last thing Theo sees before the earth swallows him whole.

 

 

_Sunshine is made of terribly thin tendrils of hope. But hope never the less._

 

* * *

 

Liam finds himself at the mouth of the dark tunnels that swallowed Theo like a whale’s mouth engulfs a school of fish, easily, like it’s nothing. Like he was never a human being, just a monster that had always belonged in the ground.

 

It would be ideal for him not to spare a second thought to Theo, to not have the chimera’s eyes glint into his vision whenever he lays eyes on anything green. But the heart doesn’t forget the way the mind tries to. His heart is bound to simple touches—not those of a monster—soft and careful smiles, warm whispers of his name, promises, loving arms not covered in blood, not drowned in darkness. A monster could never make someone feel that way. A monster cannot love.

 

 It wasn’t love, he keeps reminding himself. _He used you_ , he was going to kill you and he did kill your friend. It wasn’t love. But…

 

Liam’s going to pretend - just for the briefest of minutes, when no one is there to see him—he’s going to pretend it was real and let it hurt all the way from the inside out, because maybe that’s the only way to deal with what he feels and what he can’t tell anyone else.

 

It hurts because he loved Theo and it’s crazy because he still does. And maybe he always will, in a deep place within him he will always love Theo Raeken there in the middle of the preserve fighting in a clearing, covered in blood and sweat and holding onto each other with hungry hands. That’s the place where he will love him forever. Before it hurt like it does now.

 

 He walks to the exact place where he last saw Theo, there’s not a stain on the ground, not a mark a crack or any indication that there’s a boy buried there. Liam sits down, hand hovering above the cold cement. He lets his fingers trace over it, “I hate you for what you’ve done to us you know.” He whispers, eyes stinging.

 

No one is around so he lets his tears fall. “I hate that you’ve ruined my first love for me. Hate that this meant nothing to you and everything to me.” He sobs at the thought, sobs because the boy he loves his gone in every meaning of the word, because everything grownups said about love is true, it’s unfair and painful and will kill you, eventually. He at least thought he had a few more years to find this out.

 

 Liam wonders, as he sits on the floor of the disgusting sewers, what’s happening to Theo down there, if he’s dead, if he’s busy dying, if he’s in hell. And he’s conflicted. One: because Theo deserves to pay for what he did, not just to Liam and Scott, but to everyone he came into contact with. And Two: because the pack has never done anything like this before, surely this can’t be right? Scott who doesn’t kill and takes the noble route at any given chance. How did he justify Kira putting Theo down like this? Potentially killing him when his hands hasn’t shed a hint of blood until now.

 

And for the first time Liam is torn between loyalty and love. Not sure what’s right anymore, or if he can trust what he thinks is right since his judgement has been severed by a boy that looked like heaven and spoke like honey. He knows nothing anymore, wishes he can just feel nothing too. It’d be easier than this maelstrom of emotions that rises in his throat and chokes him.

 

 It’s after a long while that he realizes he’s fallen asleep against the wall, and he now hears footsteps headed his way. The scent that follows is Mason’s. 

 

Shit.

 

“Liam…” Mason rounds the corner and stops at the sight of Liam on the ground, immediately recognizes the area. “Liam what are you—” he must see the red puffiness around Liam’s eyes, yet to heal, “—have you been crying… Liam why…”

 

Mason wasn’t meant to see this, wasn’t supposed to know about things between him and Theo, mostly because Liam had no explanation for loving a murderer other than simply loving him. And that is not nearly a good enough reason to still want the things he once did, to want to be wrapped in Theo’s arms in his truck as the sun sets over Beacon Hills.

 

 “Nothing… I just... I’m tired.” He lies and hopes Mason buys it.

 

Mason’s brows shoot up but his smile is more concern than amusement, “So you came to nap in the sewers?”

 

 “No…” He guesses ‘I’m tired’ isn’t a complete lie. He has been, for the majority of the days gone by, tired to the bone. Be it just from trying not to feel a thing or trying to convince himself that it wasn’t real. Fighting off nightmares of Theo being dragged into hell, fighting tears where bravery should be. It is indeed a tiring task.

 

“Then what is going on Li—”

 

 “I loved him.” he says. It’s true and resolute and final and he feels relief more than he feels any sorrow in that moment.

 

 “You… You loved who??”

 

 “I guess I didn’t know it at the time- if I did maybe I could have stopped this, if I had just told him…” he swallows and shakes his head, knows deep down that Theo wouldn’t have stopped even for love. 

 

“It’s one of those things where it only hits you after the fact. Like shock or trauma, you only accept the magnitude of what it is when it’s all gone quiet around you. When there’s no more chaos…” Liam’s jaw quivers again, and he bites down on the soft flesh inside his cheek to keep the floods at bay.

 

 “Liam, what are you talking about?” Mason places a gentle, scared hand on Liam’s arm, frowns when he feels Liam shaking. But Mason already knows, and just like Liam, his brain works to come up with all the reasons why it can’t be. All the reasons why it’s wrong.

 

 “Theo.”  he huffs out a smile and looks down. "I loved him.”

 

“When??”

 

 “Since the start. Since I met him.”

 

 There are things not even your best friend will understand, and it’s clear in that moment that Mason struggles to grasp the concept. Liam doesn’t blame him, Mason still bears the purple and blue bruises of Theo’s brutality, of his selfishness.

 

 “Liam, he killed…”

 

 “I know! I know what he did.” He speaks a little too loud, voice resounding down into the sewers. He takes a breath and tries again, “I loved him before that. I loved him when he was just a boy. I didn’t know…”

 

Mason seems to resign to the fact that there is history he’s not privy to, sentiments he didn’t know about, and because he’s the best person in the entire world, he wraps an arm around Liam’s shoulder and pulls him close. “I didn’t know either.” Mason says shocked, quietly. He doesn’t sympathize or offer condolences and Liam can appreciate why, he doesn’t expect him too. The simple presence of someone who cares is enough.

 

 “He betrayed me too.” Liam sniffs, just so that Mason knows he’s not an exception to what happened. “I thought he… until the last minute…. Until my hands were covered in Scott’s blood. But I did love him.”

 

 “Did…. Right? You loved him.” Mason stresses the past tense dramatically, especially. 

 

And what can he do but lie. “Yeah.”

 

 No…

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

More often than not, Liam finds himself there at the place where Theo is buried. His hands draw circles on the hard cement like they used to do on Theo’s back. There are questions he wants answers to, ones he will probably never get. Sometimes there are things he wants to shout and yell until his lungs feel like bursting, but they’ll only end up splattered against bare walls.

 

He does it anyway.

 

“God! Why’d you do this, huh?! I just… I get so mad and I can’t explain to anyone why that is! I can’t tell them I was gone for a killer!!! Because what kind of person does that, huh?? Jesus. You’ve driven me fucking insane and sat back to watch it consume me Theo. Fuck.”

 

Spitfire mad.

* * *

 

Some days nostalgia sweeps him up, and he feels every bit like the love-sick teenager he is.

 

“Remember that time we were fooling around by the ravine - we thought we’d been caught - you hauled ass out of that water so fast I thought you’d start a fucking tidal wave… was only a deer.”

 

Liam cackles out loud to himself, it echoes down the hollow tunnels. “Fucking Bambi Theo. Bambi. You watched the sunset with me later. I sat under your arm, and we tried to name all the colours on the horizon… you really suck at colours.”

 

That night Theo told Liam he was prettier than any sunset he’ll ever live to see. He wonders if that was a lie, too.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time Liam goes down, it’s after a few days of trying not to- because it hurts when he leaves. It’s like seeing Theo betray him all over, when he leaves. It’s like seeing Theo dragged away again, over and over like in his dreams.

 

The tunnels and what they hold, scrape out bits of Liam, like you would ball out ice cream from a tub. Those bits of him stay down there and are moulded into the tunnel walls.

 

He has shifted into something ugly now, a grotesque apparition Liam hardly recognizes as himself anymore. _Mirrors don’t lie, do they Theo? Not like you did,_ he thinks as he strokes over his scruffy beard and hair that has gotten a little too long. He’s had no real energy to do anything about it despite the absence of supernatural threats.

 

He’s just angry, mostly, now. And bone tired of hurting.

 

Today he tries to think of nothing specific, tries to keep his mind a blank slate. If he does wander in his thoughts, it’s to a place where Theo was still there, where none of this happened... Where he didn’t try to kill his friend and where he didn’t fall for the devil himself. It’s always that.

 

And that’s not a place where he can live, it’s burdened with blood and tears there. Never warm and never kind, he’s come to realize. So he makes the first reasonable choice in weeks.

 

“I came to say goodbye to you today.” he says and breathes in deep even though his eyes sting and his throat won’t work like it should, “I never got the chance to do that and I think, maybe, that’s why I’m still here when you’re long gone.

 

“I need to stop this. For me. For the pack…. For you too.”

 

He’s read all the stages of grief, though he feels like grieving is not the right thing to do. Theo’s not dead, he thinks, he’s buried between the grey areas, somewhere along with his feelings for Theo. The articles say “Let yourself mourn. Feel the loss.”

 

All he does is feel it. It’s consumed him by now, and, as ridiculous as it is he wonders what he did before there was Theo. What did he feel before then? But all he can ever think of is how empty it is now. So, he’s got feeling down to an art, wishes he could _not_ feel instead. Switch it off.

 

But how does one mourn someone who is only half dead? Halfway? With half your heart?

 

Perhaps one day when his time is up here on earth they’ll meet again in another world. Maybe there they can be happy the way they were meant to be, they can grow old there and wake up in the hollows of each other’s necks, warm and glowing in the dawn’s lights. Maybe there won’t be any monsters in that place or perhaps there are monsters all over, but they might be able to live with those.

 

Their monsters, now, have ripped them bare to the last shred.

 

Liam doesn’t think there will ever be anyone else though, despite what his mom says, despite what Mason says. His heart is here in the ground.

 

“I’ll always love you I think. But I’ll probably always hate you too, Theo.”  Even as he says that, he doesn’t quite understand, but that’s what he feels, and that’s how it is. A constant ache.

 

“Goodbye now.”

 

It’s the last day he visits the tunnels.

* * *

 

Six months go by and it feels like an eternity and like the blink of an eye all at once. Some days he doesn’t think of Theo at all, some days fly by with laughter at the newly established pack nights. On those days he forgets that sometimes his heart still hurts, he forgets that he cries himself to sleep most nights.

 

Mason makes an active effort to keep Liam occupied and his days filled, and he’s both grateful and exhausted by it.

 

He doesn’t really believe himself but for the most part he can say he’s over Theo. Except it’s not really being over him, he doesn’t think there is a way to get over something like that. It’s more a thing of acceptance of absence.

 

But—and it’s not for lack of trying—he can’t erase how tender Theo’s hands were on his skin, how his green eyes were only kind when they looked into Liam’s. The nights in the back of the truck with endless stars above them, each of which Theo individually promised to him. His lips, although the taste is faint now, are still etched into Liam’s memory, the sound of his laugh, and location of every mole on his skin. He remembers all these rarities clear as daylight.

 

Theo next to him. Theo inside him. Theo Theo Theo.

 

And so, life carries on. Ins and outs. Ups and downs. Sometimes he barely breathes and sometimes he turns his face to the sun and inhales so deep he might faint, and he smiles too. He feels alive then in those moments and remembers that Theo called him Sunshine.

 

The pack makes it work. They find middle ground and forgiveness, rebuild trust. Battles are few these days and they’ve been able to live like regular teenagers for the last few months. It’s almost like your lips cracking after not having smiled in a while. It’s like a big storm after drought.

 

They don’t need help, they don’t need to save anyone or be saved themselves.

 

Until they do.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell are ghost riders?!” Is mostly what everyone asks when it starts happening, then, “How the fuck do you stop _that?!_ ”

 

Liam hates the answer, he hates that he’s the one who came up with this plan because to him it feels awfully bias and he has to remind himself time and time again that he is not doing this for himself. And, he tells himself, as soon as they get what they need he’s putting it all back the way it was. No feelings spared.

 

He also tells himself that’s the biggest lie of all.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure about this??” Mason asks when they enter the mouth of the tunnel, he walks cautiously behind Liam.

 

Suddenly Liam’s not so sure about anything anymore. He tries to hide the way his hands shake while they wait for Mrs. Yukimura in the tunnels he swore he’d never see again. Suddenly, he doesn’t know what ever possessed him to bring this up. How did he ever think he’d be ready for this? Because he’s not. Not by a long shot.

 

Liam’s eyes flip to Mason and quickly away again, “Yeah, I’m sure. Just shh.”

 

“Why? Not like you’re gonna wake him up or anything…”

 

“I don’t know!! Mason. God. Just... shh, I need to think.”

 

Mason rolls his eyes. “Okay weirdo.”

 

Liam glares at him even if Mason looks away and pretends not to notice. He’s relieved for the first time that Mason is human and can’t hear how his heart stammers in his chest, can’t smell the nerves and fear and worry seeping from his pores.

 

“What are you gonna do? When— _if_ —he comes out of there??” asks Mason after a while of waiting, he’s spinning a metal rod in a circle on the cement, he reckons it’s for protection.

 

_What am I going to do if he doesn’t?_

Now, that’s not something Liam has had the balls to even think about. He thinks there’s not much that could prepare him for seeing Theo, and besides, what do you say to the boy who tore your heart apart while telling you the moon rose in your eyes and he’d strung up the stars for you? What do you tell that guy when your heart’s still barely knitting itself back together in your chest?

 

Werewolf hearts are exempt from supernatural healing, apparently.

 “I don’t know Mase. I don’t know what to expect here.”

“Expect everything to go wrong.” Mason keeps saying this like maybe Liam hadn’t heard. He’s not wrong but they have no choice. They all might still die whether Theo kills them or not.

 

“I mean, what other options do we have? Can’t sit around and wait to get taken.”

Despite that, Liam thinks he’d rather be swiped clean off the face of the earth than be killed by Theo again. That’s essentially what it was, wasn’t it?

 

When Noshiko arrives, she’s stiff and guarded. She looks at them both with an intensity that makes Liam vibrate on the inside.

 

“Kira entrusted me with her sword while she’s with the Skinwalkers.” Noshiko tells him, “And now, I’m trusting you because I believe she would want me to. Do not mistake this for me agreeing with your decision.”

 

Liam says, “I understand” and points to the floor, “Uh, Kira just stabbed her sword into the ground.”

 

But Noshiko holds the sword out to him, hands steady, and with the tone only a mother can muster she says, “If you want to do this, you’ll have to do it yourself.”

 

“Yeah, yeah of course… thank you... uh Mrs. Yukimura. Thank you.”

 

 _It’s not for you._ He reminds himself. _You’re not bringing Theo back for yourself. It’s to save everyone. Not only your bleeding heart._

 

She leaves with one final warning, an omen perhaps, “Once it’s done, whatever happens will be your responsibility, Liam.”

 

They nod and watch her leave and suddenly it’s hard to breathe, thin air like at the top of a mountain. This is it. This is where they find out if Theo Raeken died down there, if all that’s left are bones of a boy he loved. And he doesn’t know yet what he’ll do if that’s the case.

 

As he lifts the sword above his head and stabs it into the ground an unsurprising plea darts through his mind over and over. _“God, please please please be alive. Be alive.”_

 

“Liam, wait!” Mason screams when steel meets concrete, but it’s already too late. The earth beneath their feet give a terrible groan and splits wide open, bleeding blue electricity that crackles around them.

 

Concrete plates shift and crumble and slide apart, and from the ground a heartbeat rises.

 

A dirty, hungry looking, clawed hand grabs the jagged edges of the ground.

 

Liam, for the life of him, can’t fucking breathe.

 

And Theo emerges. All of him: Glowing yellow eyes and sinner lips, breathing rough and fast through his nose, broad chest expanding to take in all the fresh air afforded to him anew. He’s filthy like the ground itself, painted brown like a clay sculpture.

 

Liam expected to see that devil he fell in love with a time ago, and he does, but Jesus. Jesus, he’s beautiful…

 

It pisses Liam off so goddamn much.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief mention of Theo wanting his life to end. It's one line toward the end where Malia gets hold of him. Please read with caution if you are sensitive to this topic.
> 
> Theo also suffers a panic attack during the shower scene, so please be mindful and careful when reading this.

The first thing he does is ball up his fists to feel his joints move. Dirt cracks around his knuckles as he flexes his fingers and, although his eyes are open all he sees is black. He feels the dry sand fall from him like splinters. Dust and sweat.

 

He’s someplace else now. Hell has shifted again. The setting changes, but never the torture. His body braces for impact on its own, out of instinct, muscle memory. But she doesn’t come.

 

Just before his sight returns he blinks and blinks, and he swears he smells him. He smells Liam. And he wonders if he’s home, wherever that may be.

 

“Theo?”

 

It’s not her, that he’s sure of. The figure in front of him is frailer and there’s no rotting flesh and gurgling lungs, but his ears can’t place the voice, his mind sits still in itself, afraid to move, afraid to blink just in case he’s been tricked again and it is her.

 

“Theo…”

 

His voice won’t work so he stays quiet and breathes instead and when he forces himself to look, he sees him. Liam. Like summer rain in the midst of battle, cooling gun barrels and washing dirty faces clean. His Liam. Like sunshine high up on a cold mountain covered in snow.

 

But he knows that can’t be. He’s dead. And death is deceiving, it’ll make you see things and hear things your mind never thought it could. And you’d think that in death there is comfort, there’s peace. There isn’t. Not for a day, not even for a minute.

 

So when the figure of Liam comes closer, the thing posing as the boy he adores, Theo lunges forward and backs it up against a wall, forearm to throat. But this beast, this ghost- it’s tangible. And soft and warm. Hell’s miscreations feel nothing like this. It is breathing and swallowing, and he can hear a dull heartbeat, steady as hail. This is no monster.

 

Then, as his ears pop open and his eyes refocus, he realises that he’s one with his body. He’s here, breathing, whole. But he’s scared.

 

So is Liam.

 

“Theo! We’re not trying to hurt you!! We brought you back!” Mason’s standing with his feet apart and looks ready to run, he has one arm outstretched to Liam.

 

Theo whips his head between them, not knowing what to trust and what to ignore. She might still be lurking, shadows don’t keep her. “W-where’s my s-sister??”

 

Liam says, “Your sister’s dead.” and he’s not really fighting back either. Theo’s hold on his neck must be bruising and making it hard to breathe, but Liam’s not fighting him. His eyes are bewildered and almost frightened, but he’s never known Liam to be frightened. “She died a long time ago.” he adds quietly.

 

“You killed her, remember?” Mason supplies from beside Liam, unhelpfully, holding a steel rod in his hand. It looks dangerously like a weapon.

 

“Mason!” Theo hears the grit of Liam’s teeth, and then he says, “He’s displaced. He’s confused. He’s not gonna hurt us… right? You’re not going to hurt anyone, Theo.”

 

His mind makes way for lucid thoughts slowly, every blink of Liam’s eyes, every jittery thud of his heart inside his chest. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He loves this face. He’ll never hurt him.

 

“Liam,” he breathes - he loves Liam and Liam is right here, Liam came to pull him from the hell he was in, Liam loves him too - and he throws his arms around Liam, touches the soft skin of his neck. He waits for Liam’s body to welcome him back, to curl around him like an ivy leaf around a pole the way he’s familiar with.

 

But he doesn’t.

 

Instead, Liam stiffens and pulls away. It leaves a scar as deep as… as deep... as the claws he left in Scott’s chest.

 

Oh… _Oh…_

* * *

 

They use him to draw the riders there. Or at least they try to and he gets electrocuted in the process.

 

He’s not entirely sure what’s going on at first. It all moves really fast. A blur, mumbles,he’s  being shoved in this direction then the next while his stale mind attempts to catch up on the six months he spent in darkness. It all flies by, all except for Liam.

 

Theo looks at him, the way he walks, his angry hand movements, his haunted blue eyes that are wild with worry and electrified with pain. Theo sees this all, and it’s glacial. Slow. It kills him all the same too.

 

As it turns out, there’s no love for Theo left in Liam’s heart, he just seethes with hatred instead. It seeps off his bones like fire in the form of a person, in the form of the boy he loves dearly. He loves the fire too. But it burns him and eats him alive if he so much as blinks.

 

It hurts when he gets electrocuted too but that seems to dissipate much faster than whatever his heart is feeling now.

 

“I’m fine by the way.” he tries for a reaction but it falls flat. They don’t care and he doesn’t blame them.

 

The drive back to Scott’s house is tense and quiet. Liam smells like nerves and sweat, bitter, and he keeps his head half turned to Theo the entire distance there, not trusting him to be out of sight for even a second. Mason sits in the back, bouncing his leg. A little while ago he would have revelled in these reactions, he would have loved that he had enough power to awaken such fear in people. Now, it just makes him sick.

 

He knows what power through fear feels like now. Tara showed him.

 

Liam leads him into a dark and still McCall residence. He’s bracing to see Scott, but it’s only him, Liam and Mason. Scott doesn’t know. He’s not sure if he’s relieved or panicked about that. Scott will be furious at Liam for resurrecting him, what if he tears Liam apart? What if he—

 

“Uhm,” Liam stops in front of the bathroom door, “You can go inside and… well, I’ll wait here.” he studies Theo’s face swiftly, as if he’d forgotten something important. “Don’t try anything okay? I’ll put you back I swear.” he raises that sword again and Theo keeps a steady face but curls in on himself once he shuts the door.

 

“I won’t try anything Liam.” he says, the little bit of bravery in his voice surprises even himself.

 

Liam mumbles something inaudible outside the door while Theo opens the tap, takes a deep breath and steps inside with all his clothes still on.

 

He lets the water pour over him and for a second he doesn’t feel a thing. Doesn’t feel how the hot water scalds his skin, doesn’t pay mind to the ache in his bones. All he feels is unreal, like an apparition.

 

Theo sinks down to the wet ground to collect his thoughts, with long shaky breaths and his heart pounding in his ears, he tries to figure out where he stands right now- he lied to Liam and used him, he tried to kill Scott and failed. Liam knows all of this now. They buried him alive to stop him. He’s the enemy. But they need him and all he needs is to stay alive and not go back in the ground. That’s easy to do, that’s a plan, that’s order.

 

Still, he can’t get a hold of himself. His heart jolts anxiously against his ribs, and he’s cold, shivering. He’s so fucking cold. He feels his jaw twitch and, involuntarily, tears make their way to the surface. He can’t feel those roll down his cheeks either, not in the rush of the water but he feels how they sting the whites of his eyes and how his chest tightens.  

 

“Theo?” the door creaks open slowly. Thick steam makes it impossible to see him huddled pathetically in the corner of the shower, on the floor in dirty water.

 

“I’m h-here.” he replies, and now his voice is just broken for the way Liam says his name. It used to be so heartfelt. It used to be 'baby'.

 

“No, I just… here are some clothes and a toothbrush.”

 

His head jerks up to the door to where Liam slides a small bundle of clothes and a pair of shoes inside. Theo stares at it for way too long and Liam shuts the door again before he can say thank you.

 

But the distraction proved helpful, his heart slows to a natural pace, because suddenly he remembers what he wanted from the beginning. Not the power or a murder pack. The quest within the quest. He wanted sunshine, warm on his skin and growing in his heart, lighting up the world. He wanted to be good.

 

Slowly, he starts stripping himself bare. The old, tattered clothes peel off his skin with difficulty now that it’s wet, and the inside of his arms still sting from where the electricity sliced through him marked by a faint red lines that fade gradually and lead all the way up to his elbows, blue splattered veins under his pale skin. His hands shake, unfamiliar and new, not like they used to do when he was pumped with adrenaline.

 

His body is new now, it works differently than before and even if all his muscles are still firmly in place, he is smaller on the inside. 

 

He finds Liam pacing outside the door when he’s done, his shoulders tight and squared. He gives Theo a quick once over like he just remembered what he looks like without a dirty face.

 

“Scott doesn’t know, does he?” he asks.

 

Liam looks away, “I haven’t told him yet.” and then he bounds down the stairs.

 

Worried, Theo goes after him, “Liam, he’s going to  _lose_ it..”

 

“I know. I’ve got this.”

 

“What if he—”

 

Liam spins around hard on his heel, “Theo! I’ve got this!! Okay.” Theo flinches, and the moment carries, making Liam draw back fast, he sucks in a deep breath and brings his hands up defensively and says, “I’ll deal with Scott, okay?” 

“Yeah.” he nods, “Okay.” and he doesn’t look at Liam anymore than he needs to. He simply follows down to the kitchen and there they wait for Scott to arrive. Hands trembling in his jacket pockets, heart straining to stay in control.

  
  


Scott eventually arrives and threatens him with those pools of fire in his eyes.

 

Then Malia beats him half to death.

 

And Theo lets her, kind of hopes she succeeds. But Liam stops her and growls, and short on his tail is a furious red eyed alpha. Thing is: Scott growled at Theo. Liam growled at Malia.

 

Theo doesn’t know what to do with that information, so he stores in a safe space in his mind labelled ‘fragile’ and moves along.

 

This is also the first time he tries to put the mask back on and realises the dormancy of the coyote within him. The animal is simply MIA, its presence stripping him of the ability to throw a cold shoulder to the world. So he’s left vulnerable and to simply act tough when he’s really so weak he can barely stand.

 

“We should try anything we can to get Stiles back,” Liam says to Scott from the other room, “Even Theo.” It’s then that he realises how painful and broken his name sounds in Liam’s mouth, how hard it is for him to say it. He thinks it must taste rotten and acidic on his tongue and he wishes he could make it not so.

 

And, when Liam stands in front of him with the sword and lays down the repercussions of even the slightest impediment on his part, Theo sees how his blue eyes beg for Theo to just comply. He has a lot riding on his decision to keep Theo alive.

 

“I can put you back in the ground at any time.” Liam warns.

 

Bravely he replies, “But you also need a transformer that can handle five billion joules of electricity.” despite Liam’s distrusting glare he carries on, “I know where to find one. I can show you how it works. And I’ll tell you if Malia promises not to kill me.” he means the last part as a joke, that falls embarrassingly flat too, and has the coyote growling at him with desperate, murderous intent.

 

“She promises.” says Liam, and his eyes remain on Theo, in them a wordless ‘I won’t let her’ that is perhaps more Theo’s imagination than anything else.

 

“No, I don’t! We’re really gonna do this? Trust him?”

 

Mason finally gets sick of the tension and pipes up, “You got a better idea?”

 

“I’ve got an idea. It may not be better. But at least it’s not him.”

 

They watch her stalk out of the room and leave them behind. Theo doesn’t even argue that she’s wrong. She’s not. 

 

He’s the worst idea of them all.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

He’s been handcuffed and dragged through the woods, and if it were anyone else at the other end of the chains that bind him, he would have ripped their heads clean off their bodies already. But it’s Liam. And Liam can do whatever he wants to do to Theo.

 

Liam drags a hand over the sheen of sweat on his forehead and through his hair, he smells potently of nerves even from way back where Theo treads behind him and Mason. “This was a bad idea.” Liam grumbles and pulls on the chains.

 

“It’s not a bad idea.” Mason assures him. “It’s a good plan, it’s gonna work. It has to work.”

 

Theo sometimes wishes the fate of the town wasn’t left in the hands of teenagers. He hurries to catch up to them, “It is a terrible idea. That thing could blow up and kill all of us. Cut the riders’ work short.”

 

“It’s not going to blow up, okay?” Mason snaps back at him, “They ride the lightning. We can use that to catch one and keep him there until we figure out what they want.”

 

“You’re trying to catch a Ghost Rider. A million things can go wrong. It’s a terrible idea.” He knows he’s annoying Liam just by speaking, can see the tight knot of his jaw and the crease between his eyes. He still knows how to push Liam’s buttons, he knows what gets him going. 

 

He thinks about that blood-hot face and parted mouth a lot, how desperate Liam would get if Theo teases and lingered and denied him pleasure. And, looking at his shackled wrists, he appreciated how those tables have now turned.

 

There’s a desperate part of him that wants to take up position on his knees and give all the power over to Liam—power he doesn’t even have anymore—he has considered this, to make himself vulnerable in that way, with his mouth and his lips and his body. Perhaps then Liam will look at him with something other than disgust.

 

He sometimes thinks it’s not disgust, but what does he know? Those times when Liam has no business looking at him but does anyway… He knows it’s been impossible for him to forget the time they’ve spent together, and he’d give anything to know if Liam lets his mind wander there as well.

 

“The bad idea was bringing  _ him _ back.” Liam cuts into his reverie and it slices, it burns and that more than anything—more than hell, more than a fatal explosion—scares him to death. He thinks of how painful it would be to have  _ Liam _ peg the sword into the ground this time and let her take him. “Scott’s right. This is a mistake.”

 

“Look buddy, you took a risk.  _ We _ took a risk. I’m in this with you okay?” Mason says to Liam  quietly as if Theo can’t hear, in a way that says he really doesn’t believe his own bullshit.

 

Then, in a terrible moment, Theo realises there is something far worse. Something he simply had never spared a thought for.

 

As Mason innocently cups Liam’s shoulder and squeezes, and his eyes meet Liam’s, soft and kind and gentle—the way Liam used to look at him when they were high on sex, drunk with it—Theo realises Liam can easily love someone else now, he can touch someone else like that. And an obnoxious, horrible thing inside Theo tells him Liam could do it just to hurt him and he’ll deserve every agonizing second of it. And he’ll have no right to ever cry over it. Monsters have no rights.

 

“You guys want me to leave you alone?” he spits suddenly, angry, jealous, miserable, and surprises even himself. “Oh, that’s right, I can’t!” yanking on the chains, his eyes glow bright yellow in Liam’s direction without him meaning to, before he can stop it.

 

He has missed the wolf. 

 

Liam looks at him with equal surprise, he looks a little too long even as Mason starts walking again. Theo can’t place what’s happening behind those bright blues, but it pins him to where he stands and he can’t move until Liam does. Until he frowns and tears his eyes away.

 

* * *

 

As foreshadowed it all goes to shit despite their promising start.

 

He says nothing of it when no one thanks him for helping to secure the ghost rider, doesn’t say anything when Liam pulls him away from harm when the gate shuts on his arm once the Rider is inside, and he doesn’t say anything, still, when he’s the only one to witness Mr. Douglas rip into the enemy’s skull and eat whatever is inside there. He doesn’t say anything at all and the silence within himself seems everlasting and colder than a cement bed in the dead of winter.

 

Theo doesn’t say anything because he just wants to be quiet, just wants to feel the cold silence, feel nothing. It’s easier than trying to sort through the multitude of things he feels all at once. Truthfully, if he were to sort and name and handle each of the intricate things he feels, he might go crazy and never recover. 

 

He’s bleeding when Liam hauls him up off the floor demanding answers about a dead ghost rider (can they even die??) and all the blood (so, so much) and threatens to put him back in the ground (please God no). With Liam’s proximity and the heat of fear still curdling in his blood all he manages is a hapless and quaking, “H-he ate his b-b… his b-brain…”

 

He hates the way Liam looks at his mouth and frowns when he sputters around those letters, like he’s making up some affliction for sympathy. So he tries again, but he knows it’ll be a mangled and stuttering mess that he can’t control.

 

“He ate his... b-brain…” he whispers again, quietly and failed to himself, looks down and away and wonders why he can’t form those words right. They’re simple words, and even though his hands shake and his heart stammers in his throat, he should still be able to speak. Surely?

 

Liam uncurls his fists from Theo’s lapels and releases him, still staring at him, confused. If Theo didn’t know any better, he’d say Liam was worried. Liam’s eyes don’t leave him while the rest of them argue over what happened, and he tries not to acknowledge it, he feels so stupid, he used to be so smooth with his mouth and now...

 

There is a voice inside that tells him to be far more concerned about it than he currently is, but what’s he going to do? He’s a teenager without parents, without a home, with any resources to medical help. So he does what he does best. He promptly pushes the thought aside sucks up it.   

 

When he brings himself back to the conversation Mason surprisingly comes to his defense- that it couldn’t possibly have been Theo who committed such atrocities. Internally, he snorts at that, of course he’s capable of much, much worse. He could kill them all right now if he so chooses, and dispose of each last bit of their remains without a trace, but perhaps this is where he gets to decide  _ not to _ , gets to do the right thing as pathetic his coyote might label it.

 

His hands are perhaps bloody right now, and the smell of copper will cling to him for days after this, but his hands are also empty and weightless of death this time. And that’s a notion he can hold on to.

  
  


Later, when Liam leads him back to the police station, a memory from earlier comes to him.

 

A quiet and unsure voice, trying to be brave:  _ “Mr. Ghost Rider?” _

 

It makes him smile for the longest time afterwards.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take caution toward the end for another panic attack.

Liam breaks the sword. The only leverage he has over a deadly man. Theo doesn’t think too much about it, what it means and what it doesn’t. There’s  no telling anymore- on the surface it’s painfully clear that Liam doesn’t trust him. But, behind the cool blue of Liam’s eyes there is something else that Theo sees. 

Just like the sometime-lingering glances, his gaze that once was chilling is now lukewarm, maybe. Not as cutting and paralysing as before. It could also just be that he is going totally insane and is now delirious as well as a stuttering mess. 

Liam, right now, is not faring well. 

It’s been hours that they’ve spent waiting for the ghost riders, hours of uselessly sitting around waiting for the inevitable. Corey is gone, Mason and Hayden are gone too. Liam is frantically failing at coming up with a plan given the new knowledge of what Mr. Douglas’ intentions are. 

And Theo, Theo doesn’t want to die, no way, doesn’t want to be taken into oblivion. He’s been there, and it’s been punishment enough for now. He’ll do whatever it takes, divulging information—knowledge he would normally have used for his own benefit, for power. 

He’s given them everything he can, it earned him a heated face off with Liam, a couple of precious seconds staring into those pretty eyes while he negotiated his freedom.

But right now his ass hurts from sitting and Liam won’t look at him anymore, actively ignores his existence even. Which gives him plenty of time to stare. Liam is still one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen and it’s sometimes hard to look away from him. Theo likes to watching his hands move, likes to count how many times his jaw knots in that one place, his tongue sometimes wets the corner of his lip when concentrating and he sighs, defeated and lost when he’s been in his own head so long that it exhausts him.  

These aren’t things that should occupy his mind, they’re intangible fantasies, things he’s not allowed to want but that small, cowering parts of him still want very much.  But here in this cell there’s not much else to do to keep from going crazy, here he can’t stare out of a window, can’t watch the people go by, all he can do in here is sit on this concrete bench and wish the hours away. 

He hates this cold, stone-hard jail cell and wants out more than anything, but he wonders for a brief moment what Liam would do if he got taken too, if Liam watched him being taken. Would that be the tell all truthful moment? Would he cry? Would he try to stop it or would he simply, and with relief, let Theo slip into the abyss again? Would he mourn? Did he mourn??

“Why’d you try so hard to convince Scott not to put me back?” the thought bubbles to the surface abruptly and slips without so much as permission. He wants to slap a hand over his mouth in hopes of drawing it back but stays still instead, fingers digging into the cement bench.

 

Liam shoots him a dismissive look then focuses back on his phone.  And he guesses that’s fair, so he returns to counting the cracks on the floor, the bobbles on the wall plaster, the ants that march by his feet every now and again. Silence. Boredom. All while he could be helping somehow. He gets it though. Why would Liam have anything to say to him? Hell, he doesn’t even have anything to say to himself for all that he’s done.

 

“It’s like a wound.” Liam mumbles after a long while of silence.

 

Surprised, he looks up, “What?”

 

“Like a big battle-axe wound right across the chest—” his hand slices across his torso in show, “—hitting the most vital organs. That’s what being in love with someone feels like.”

 

Oh…

 

Theo doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t move or blink or breathe because Liam is talking to him like he really wants to. Not at him or about him, not angry or irritated and burdened. But quietly, truthfully. So Theo shuts up and listens as all the world becomes one with the air around them and all that exists are their heartbeats.

 

That tight knot forms in the corner of Liam’s jaw again, Theo has come to know it as defiance, anger and most recently, pain. He is in pain, inside. Theo hurts there as well. 

Liam’s eyes are like ice pools when they finally meet Theo’s, and then he speaks so honestly, like a waterfall of emotion that had been buried inside him. 

He tells Theo,  “I hope you never love like that. So raw and open and bleeding, every goddamn second, that you pray to whatever god you believe in, that this wound doesn’t heal, Theo. Because healing means moving on and you and that god both know... You know you’re never gonna get any better if that happens.” Liam breathes in deep when his voice wavers and breaks on the last word, and as much as he tries to contain it, his eyes gleam wet in the low light.

Theo remains still. He’s the bullseye and Liam’s words are the dart.

Liam continues, head bowed, “You rather pray that you stay open and ruptured and gushing blood from your heart as much as the person you love, because if you’re bleeding together it’s alright, you know? You both feel that way. But—” and he swallows and picks at the skin around his nails. His voice is something rough when he speaks again, “But if their wound heals and yours doesn’t... That’s just…”

He tilts his head up, gives Theo half of a really broken smile. It’s really just a twitch of his mouth corner, “You never even had a wound…”

Theo’s stomach sinks low.

“And as much as I hate you for that, as much as you’ve left me to bleed out on my own... the part of me that loved you, the wolf… doesn’t want to see you hurt.” Liam makes a rough swipe across his eyes to collect the tears that have pooled there, “So that’s why I did it.”

“I g-get it.” Theo whispers, softly. He tucks his chin into his chest. There’s a numbness in Liam’s blue eyes that turns them dull, and it hurts to know he put that expression there, makes it hard to look at him like he used to.

The wolf inside snarls at him that he has no right in this world to feel hurt. He wonders where the hell the coyote went, it’s like the animal abandoned this weakened vessel. A vessel that suddenly has remorse and cries and fears and uses its heart for what it was made. The coyote hate weakness and emotions and tears, all that animal loves is power.

 

Liam sets his jaw again when Theo looks up, but Theo catches the quickest of moments when the hardness on his face lessens at Theo’s internal troubles. It’s fleeting however. He walks away, not owing Theo any more words, but somehow what he said is more than enough.  

Sunshine, he thinks, is made of many infinite maybes.

And then Liam leaves Theo alone for what feels like a very, very long time, during which he starts panicking. 

Firstly, about what could happen to Liam out there, if he gets taken… There is a stark difference between Liam living in a world without him and Theo living in a place with no Liam and he realises that now. And then he thinks about what could happen to him in here. Tara… his heart… he’s alone and what if it’s not a just dream this time… what if...

“Hey!!!” He gives the bars a rough and futile shake, so much so that the insides of his palms hurt with the force he grips it with. “Hey!! L-let me out! C-come on… Jesus—”  

And suddenly he can’t breathe right. Somewhere between his windpipe and his chest the air has gotten stuck, a thick lump sits there instead. He can’t swallow it, can’t puke it up either. He’s shaking now, weakly, he thinks, as an ugly laugh blurts from his chest and his muscles knot up all over.

Pathetic Theo. Truly. After all your efforts. THIS is what you’ve come to?? A weeping, quivering mess on the floor of a jail cell? 

Power is ugly. He knows that now. Power is a beast that will eat you alive as you are. And here, where he’s slumped in the corner of the cell, fighting his body for the simplest control, he is sorry.

He’s sorry. Not because he is struggling now, not because he is scared and feels small. No. He’s sorry because now he knows how those people in the path of his wrath must have felt. How scared they must have been. Josh with his big brown eyes when he seeped the life out of him, Tracey with the taste of betrayal fresh on her lips when he clawed out her last breath. Scott in his final whisper. Liam… with blood on his innocent hands, blood that was never meant to be there. 

Tara. Tara. Most of all Tara.

This is what he is sorry for.  Funny enough, regret is not something he’s been terribly familiar with, not since he was nine. But now, buried and excavated and worn right through, now he is terribly and inexplicably sorry. 

Funny too: There are no words he could ever say that would explain just how much.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be mindful that this chapter contains a description of an event similar to a seizure/fit. Read carefully if you are sensitive to this.

In one brilliant night, Theo learns the difference between taking a life and saving one.

 

But it’s a wild night.

 

First the sheriff gets turned to smog in the blink of an eye and then he steals a police car. He thanked his lucky stars the entire town had been annihilated since grand theft auto would look horrible on his redemption resume.

 

But then a boy grabs his hand, keeps him safe, he even smiles right at him, laughs with him. And it’s something he never thought he’d ever see Liam do again. But he did, and for a second it was as though they were months back in time before anything had gone wrong, before all the spilled blood and lies. When they still laughed like this, with truth.

 

Despite all the bickering about car keys, yelling and pumped up heart beats, there is a small victorious moment for them that allows them to escape the riders at the station, if only temporarily, and run.

 

The car starts. Liam grins at him and he grins back. And very briefly, life is okay again.

 

Liam smiled at him.

 

But now, now he’s stuck, and that smile is nowhere to be found and the hallway is really dark and she’s there. His heart flinches at what’s coming, as she slowly crawls toward him and echoes his name over and over with that dead, wet voice only he knows, so sinister and so angry.

 

He remembers the inexplicable pain of the last time she took her heart back. It’s the squishing first- of skin and fat and muscle, then the crunching of bones that splinter in her fist, then the shocking grip of cold hands around the only thing keeping him alive. Tearing sounds follow, tendons and veins and flesh, when she pulls his heart from the hole she created in his breastplate.

 

Logically he knows that after she takes it, he can’t and shouldn’t feel anything anymore, yet as he hits the ground he’s hyper aware of the gaping crevice in his chest, feels every spurt of blood his body pumps out of there. It burns—like salt in an open cut—as he lays there and slowly stops breathing.

 

She always smiles at him when she walks away. Not the way Liam smiles at him. Her mouth is hard and sinister, satisfied like a lion tearing out its prey’s throat. 

 

Over and over and over.

 

And now, just like when he was in the ground, trapped in his own mind, he can’t move. He’s compelled to the spot by guilt because what right does he have to run away? To be scared, vulnerable, to need someone, to want comfort.

 

“Theo?”

 

Blinking again and again he tries to put this all away, tries not to let Liam see. All he will think is that it’s some ploy to manipulate, gain sympathy. Besides, Liam doesn’t have to see him so weak, doesn’t need to know of this soft and vulnerable place inside him.

 

But it’s so dark. It’s just so dark and he can’t see where Liam is. He can only see her coming for him and she’s going to kill him in front of Liam, just like he feared, and he’ll have to watch Liam laugh as he dies and…

 

Jesus he can’t breathe… he can’t… Liam… and Tara...

 

“Theo! Shit! Theo look at me… what the—”

 

There’s a cold hand gripping his chin and his legs—he can’t feel them anymore, why can’t he feel his legs?—he must have fallen already and she’s there and he’s thrashing as best he can to get away. Foolishly. He knows he can’t escape her.

 

“Theo! Oh my god… please calm down! It’s okay, whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m here!”

 

Only he’s not thrashing, he’s convulsing now, and it’s not Tara in front of him it’s Liam. Liam’s eyes are wide and golden, and he’s speaking slowly, and his beautiful face is marred with concern.

 

“Hey? Hey, are you with me? Can you hear me?”

 

His shoulders give an involuntary inward twitch, his jaw clamped so tight it hurts, but yes, he can hear Liam. He nods. Something is very, very wrong with him. Something is broken. It broke when he was down there and not in a way that hurts like a fractured bone, but in a way that incapacitates him and surpasses his werewolf healing altogether.

 

“I need you to come back, we can’t stay here, yeah? Are you okay? Can you walk?” Liam puts a careful hand in his neck, to feel his pulse maybe, and tilts his head up.

 

Again, he nods, and swallows to wet his throat. “S-sorry. T-thought I was… s-somewhere else…” The words let him down again, refuse to come out the way he means for them in his head, and his body won’t stop shaking and he’s freezing. But where Liam touches him, he is warm. So, he focuses on that instead.

 

“Where?” Liam asks softly but impatient, scared, he drops the hand from Theo’s neck. He’s kneeling on the floor beside Theo who sits slumped against a wall.

 

The hallway is empty now, there are flickering ominous lights but no Tara. No death loops…

 

“In… a b-bad--” he shuts his eyes, swallows, and tries again. “A bad d-dream.” Dammit.

 

“It’s okay. You’re safe. Come on.” says Liam and holds a hand out to help him up.

 

Theo’s not sure what exactly is okay: the situation or that he’s stuttering like this. Embarrassed, he takes Liam’s hand. He needs to get a grip really fast, there is no time to wonder what the hell just happened to him.

 

At least now that Liam turns away he won’t see Theo shove his shaking hands into his jeans so they’ll be still, won’t see Theo glance down each passage they pass, searching for her, expecting her around every corner. Won’t see his body brace itself for impact because that’s all he knows to do.

 

But, he thinks, that’s stupid. She doesn’t live out here, and he’ll never find her even if he searches forever.

 

Well because, she lives in his head. And he could never find her there.

 

* * *

 

Liam is certifiably insane. He’s beautiful, but he’s nuts. Hide with the dead??

 

“I’m not getting in one of those Liam.” At least his voice is back and whatever broke inside him earlier had slowly stitched back together. 

 

As fast as the idea comes to Liam and the John Doe’s blue-grey feet stares back at Liam, he changes his mind.

 

“Nope. Me neither.” The room is really not a fantastic hiding place, and he thinks maybe Liam realises that as he looks around for another plan. “You, uh… you okay now? After the… you know” he waves his hand back to the hallway where Theo had an episode.

 

Episode? Is that what he’s going with? It seems far less daunting than calling it what it possibly is. He doesn’t really know what it is- he forgets how to speak and he hallucinates his dead sister. 

 

The words flood him with shame anyway, and because he’s basically a ghost trying and failing to be a real person, that emotion translates into anger. “Yeah Liam. Forget about it, okay?” he snaps.

 

Raised eyebrows, Liam shrugs, “Fine. Whatever.”

 

Theo absently digs around in a drawer for a weapon, for anything, “Should have left me in the holding cell.” he mutters and doesn’t mean it, not even a little.

 

“Should have left you in the ground.”

 

“You know what—” he spins around to face Liam, “What do you think I was doing down there, huh? Having a nice time with my dead sister? Catching up on childhood memories??”

 

Liam looks away with something guilty on his face, impassive, “Think you were rotting down there.”

 

“Huh. Liam finally gets one thing right.”

 

“Listen,” Liam growls and then he goes cold as ice, “When they find us, I’m not gonna do anything for you. I’m not gonna help you. I’m not gonna save you. I’m gonna do _exactly_ what you’d do to me—”

 

“How the hell do you know what I’d do!!?”

 

“—I’m gonna use you as bait!!”

 

“Wait… shh…”

 

“Don’t shh me!!”

 

“Liam. They’re here.”

 

* * *

 

It’s an all-consuming thing this need to survive. More than that, greater than he ever thought possible, is the desperate need to keep Liam alive. Reckless and with no punches pulled. He kills again, and realises when the Ghost Rider drops like a sack of sand into his own blood, that he’ll do it for Liam over and over again.

 

It’s an all-consuming and also a dangerous thing.

 

Liam doesn’t bat an eye at the dead guy, doesn’t flinch, kills with equal ferocity. So, Theo thinks, maybe it’s okay- maybe this isn’t being bad after all. He thinks this is fighting the good fight, maybe this is protecting one another.

 

When Liam fires an impossible headshot at the rider that has Theo on his knees, ready to take him away, Theo knows with certainty that they are protecting each other. That Liam is protecting him. They’ve kept each other alive without thinking twice about doing so. And that, even in the most dire of times, means something.

 

Liam doesn’t need Theo to be alive, doesn’t need him to execute this plan. It would be nothing for Liam to let him perish, no one would even blink an eye if Theo never returned after this fight. But Liam is fighting to keep him alive. Theo staying alive means something to Liam, his life, right now,  _means something_ to someone.

 

Something warm simmers in his gut, it’s fragile, like the broken thing from earlier and it rests side by side within him. He’ll keep it there and study it later. If he lives.

 

The feeling intensifies when Liam steps out of the morgue with a faint shadow of a smile, a very uncertain and hesitant smile but it’s for Theo, so he smiles back. They’ve won, they’ve beaten these things and have possibly saved many people.

 

Their fists are inches apart when they both hear boots tapping away on the floor tile and his heart falls at the sight.

 

This is when he learns it: The difference between taking and saving a life.

 

There are too many Riders to even consider fighting, not if Liam wants to stay alive, not if he wants to help his pack. If they fight now, they’ll die. Everyone dies.

 

Liam’s shoulders fall when he sees Theo run away, but he’s not running even if that’s all he wants to do. He won’t. He presses the elevator’s button and runs back to Liam when he hears it ding open. Without hesitation he grabs that suborn, powerful body into his arms and throws him into the open doors none too graciously.

 

“Hey!” Liam yelps, sprawled out on his ass, “What are you doing??”

 

He stares at the boy he loves so very much, the only one he would ever die for—the one he is probably now really going to die for—and the fine little thread becomes so inexplicably clear to him then.

 

This is what saving a life feels like, this wondrous glow deep inside his belly that his choice brings him. This is what selflessness feels like. This is what choosing the right path feels like. It feels so utterly and beautifully human.

 

He looks at Liam and grins, “Being the bait.”

 

And Liam screams. “NO!”

 

But the doors slam shut behind him and when he runs toward certain demise, he smiles.

 

This, this looks more like sunshine to him. Sunshine is selfless.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your support so far. I am taking a small break after this chapter, now that 6A is done, to get caught up again. There will be a little more fluff and soft moments in the coming chapters to make up for all the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is much appreciated!


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